It is too late. Now you have give me the idea to conspurr against you. >;33 You are simply doomed. Embarrassing smooches are happening.
And it was a long time ago! I was just told I would likely never see you again, that I didn't come back to Panem. It was before I came here. A weird in between dream that Zephyr created and I got caught up in. I think I said something like I didn't want embarrassing dramatic. I didn't want you to stay caught up on me if I wasn't there. I remember what it was like to have someone and hold them up as purrfect and great and amazing and forget all the flaws. I wanted you to be able to move on. To be honest that's why I wasn't so upset when you told me about the human you'd gotten a little pitiful for. You being able to go on with life and not feel like quadrants were awful or doomed to fail was part of our moirallegance. Or well it would have been if I'd been there longer. I remember how you were when we started.
But enough about that.
I don't know if my way will help you. I don't even know if I had a way. You wanted us to be civil and so we tried that. And I. Did they ever show what happened on the rooftop? I know I told you we talked and we were close to something and then he fell and you saw. But I told him none of it was my fault. I think that's what was really the thing was us. I was never scared of him. But he told me Xanthous and his life and all that was my fault because I never went after him and I believed that for a long time. Before he told me it was my fault I told him I knew it was. But no one wanted me to. Everyone, Porrim, Kankri, Mituna, all them wanted me to live. So I told him so. I finally faced that that wasn't my fault. None of it.
None of that really helps I think. Let me try this again. We got past the issues slow. The time he died was only the first step. It took time. We kept it up a lot for you at first? And our conversations were always one step forward and two steps back sort of thing. Well maybe the other way around. Every one got us forward. But I never know when to quit with people, you know? I keep trying. I keep reaching out. Usually.
I don't know if when I trusted him. There was no again, we never had trust. Maybe when he tried to save me from the awful dead walker things in the arena and had to kill me? Because it was a time when he cared and he tried so hard. Or maybe it wasn't until the dream when he told me what had happened in Panem and treated me so kindly and thoughfully? You don't just decide to trust someone. They earn it. With words and actions. If he doesn't earn it, how can you trust him?
If you can't talk to him, you might never get those answers and that's okay. You could talk to him and still not get those answers. Or the answers could be ones you didn't want at all. But I want you trust yourself Terezi. You feel the way you do for a reason. You're the one who knows what happened to you and that's the most important thing. He tricked you and you might never know why or how long it was going on.
This is frustratingly difficult to advise for. If he was there, you could talk to him or confront him again or something. You'd have options. But he's not there to earn or not earn your trust or provide the answers you want. I guess the real question is can you deal with not knowing why this happened? Can you look at this as something to learn from without it making you pull back from things? You trust people Terezi, you're loyal, and I can understand why having that loyalty used against you was the worst sort of betrayal. You care about your friends. You need them to have your back when you have theirs. You're under no obligation to forgive him for what he does. Just remember if he's from before that time, he can change. The future we make here outside Alternia is not set in those paths. I don't live alone forever. Kurloz isn't the Grand Highblood. You don't...do whatever it is you were going to do after you were brought to Panem. We're all living proof things can change. People can change.
Or I wouldn't be who I was today.
<> <> <>
And on the not so deep but equally impurrtant stuff. I can ask Zefur but I don't know if they'll let us visit. I'd like to visit your carnival at least once. It might not be where I'd want to live forever but I imagine it must be beautiful. I talked to them about the wall back during the constellation thing. They said it goes down when they're old enough and they'll just know when that is. That we'd be able to move about freely. It sounds lovely really but none of us know when it'll happen. They're growing up so fast. Not as tall as me yet but too close!
Maybe your god should make them really bright? Zephyr made our moon different. I think. It's definitely shinier. But I'm not sure how other gods work. They all seem to have different things they do. But you should probably name yours. Mine was named before I got here so I don't know how that works but maybe poll it? Do you all have a bulletin board? It's utter chaos here but we have had a few sensible polls. I think. Sort of.
I'm putting these drawings on the wall. Everyone shall see them when they come in. They'll be the pride of my hive. I'm surrounding them with feathers and dried flowers as we speak. Oh! Those flowers worked, the ones I dried for paint before? Sort of at least. They really need to be smoother, the paint is a little gritty, but I'm no position to whine about it.
Here I painted this picture with it. I'm not sure if you have a place to put it. Do you get places to put all these things I keep sending you? Or are you just eating them. >:OO Don't do it. Don't eat the flowers Rezi!!
I mean it, those were moirail flowers not eating flowers. I can send you eating flowers when my Alternian herbs bloom. Maybe next month. I'll send you all the things that taste best though those are the most useless ones.
<> Meulin
I unfolded this to add something but I forgot what it was. I'm already here though so I guess I'll write more anyways. I doubt you'll be opposed to more words. I miss you Terezi. I miss you a lot. Wish you'd shown up here. Wish you'd been here all this time and I hadn't had to worry about you. I told Kurloz in the dream that I didn't want to be a scar. I wanted to be a good memory, I wanted you to think of me and be happy we were together and not feel tied down or restricted by my being pulled away from you. He said he didn't get it but I think you might? You understand me.
Sorry, it's noon and appurrently that means I have to add sappy ridiculous things to my letter. I'm going to put this in the mail receptacle and go to bed. <> Pale for you Terezi.
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codename_snapdragon) wrote2016-04-11 01:12 pm
no subject
And it was a long time ago! I was just told I would likely never see you again, that I didn't come back to Panem. It was before I came here. A weird in between dream that Zephyr created and I got caught up in. I think I said something
like I didn't wantembarrassing dramatic. I didn't want you to stay caught up on me if I wasn't there. I remember what it was like to have someone and hold them up as purrfect and great and amazing and forget all the flaws. I wanted you to be able to move on. To be honest that's why I wasn't so upset when you told me about the human you'd gotten a little pitiful for. You being able to go on with life and not feel like quadrants were awful or doomed to fail was part of our moirallegance. Or well it would have been if I'd been there longer. I remember how you were when we started.But enough about that.
I don't know if my way will help you. I don't even know if I had a way. You wanted us to be civil and so we tried that. And I. Did they ever show what happened on the rooftop? I know I told you we talked and we were close to something and then he fell and you saw. But I told him none of it was my fault. I think that's what was really the thing was us. I was never scared of him. But he told me Xanthous and his life and all that was my fault because I never went after him and I believed that for a long time. Before he told me it was my fault I told him I knew it was. But no one wanted me to. Everyone, Porrim, Kankri, Mituna, all them wanted me to live. So I told him so. I finally faced that that wasn't my fault. None of it.
None of that really helps I think. Let me try this again. We got past the issues slow. The time he died was only the first step. It took time. We kept it up a lot for you at first? And our conversations were always one step forward and two steps back sort of thing. Well maybe the other way around. Every one got us forward. But I never know when to quit with people, you know? I keep trying. I keep reaching out. Usually.
I don't know if when I trusted him. There was no again, we never had trust. Maybe when he tried to save me from the awful dead walker things in the arena and had to kill me? Because it was a time when he cared and he tried so hard. Or maybe it wasn't until the dream when he told me what had happened in Panem and treated me so kindly and thoughfully? You don't just decide to trust someone. They earn it. With words and actions. If he doesn't earn it, how can you trust him?
If you can't talk to him, you might never get those answers and that's okay. You could talk to him and still not get those answers. Or the answers could be ones you didn't want at all. But I want you trust yourself Terezi. You feel the way you do for a reason. You're the one who knows what happened to you and that's the most important thing. He tricked you and you might never know why or how long it was going on.
This is frustratingly difficult to advise for. If he was there, you could talk to him or confront him again or something. You'd have options. But he's not there to earn or not earn your trust or provide the answers you want. I guess the real question is can you deal with not knowing why this happened? Can you look at this as something to learn from without it making you pull back from things? You trust people Terezi, you're loyal, and I can understand why having that loyalty used against you was the worst sort of betrayal. You care about your friends. You need them to have your back when you have theirs. You're under no obligation to forgive him for what he does. Just remember if he's from before that time, he can change. The future we make here outside Alternia is not set in those paths. I don't live alone forever. Kurloz isn't the Grand Highblood. You don't...do whatever it is you were going to do after you were brought to Panem. We're all living proof things can change. People can change.
Or I wouldn't be who I was today.
<> <> <>
And on the not so deep but equally impurrtant stuff. I can ask Zefur but I don't know if they'll let us visit. I'd like to visit your carnival at least once. It might not be where I'd want to live forever but I imagine it must be beautiful. I talked to them about the wall back during the constellation thing. They said it goes down when they're old enough and they'll just know when that is. That we'd be able to move about freely. It sounds lovely really but none of us know when it'll happen. They're growing up so fast. Not as tall as me yet but too close!
Maybe your god should make them really bright? Zephyr made our moon different. I think. It's definitely shinier. But I'm not sure how other gods work. They all seem to have different things they do. But you should probably name yours. Mine was named before I got here so I don't know how that works but maybe poll it? Do you all have a bulletin board? It's utter chaos here but we have had a few sensible polls. I think. Sort of.
I'm putting these drawings on the wall. Everyone shall see them when they come in. They'll be the pride of my hive. I'm surrounding them with feathers and dried flowers as we speak. Oh! Those flowers worked, the ones I dried for paint before? Sort of at least. They really need to be smoother, the paint is a little gritty, but I'm no position to whine about it.
Here I painted this picture with it. I'm not sure if you have a place to put it. Do you get places to put all these things I keep sending you? Or are you just eating them. >:OO Don't do it. Don't eat the flowers Rezi!!
I mean it, those were moirail flowers not eating flowers. I can send you eating flowers when my Alternian herbs bloom. Maybe next month. I'll send you all the things that taste best though those are the most useless ones.
<> Meulin
I unfolded this to add something but I forgot what it was. I'm already here though so I guess I'll write more anyways. I doubt you'll be opposed to more words. I miss you Terezi. I miss you a lot. Wish you'd shown up here. Wish you'd been here all this time and I hadn't had to worry about you. I told Kurloz in the dream that I didn't want to be a scar. I wanted to be a good memory, I wanted you to think of me and be happy we were together and not feel tied down or restricted by my being pulled away from you. He said he didn't get it but I think you might? You understand me.
Sorry, it's noon and appurrently that means I have to add sappy ridiculous things to my letter. I'm going to put this in the mail receptacle and go to bed. <> Pale for you Terezi.