1 W1SH YOU H4D TOLD M3 SOON3R. 1T SOUNDS L1K3 YOUV3 B33N K33P1NG SO MUCH TO YOURS3LF. BOTTL1NG 1T UP L1K3 YOU 4R3 TRY1NG TO PROT3CT M3 FROM 1T. >:[ 1 DONT W4NT TO B3 K3PT 1N TH3 D4RK. 1 W4NT TO B3 4BL3 TO H3LP YOU 1F 1 C4N. 1 W4NT TO SUPPORT YOU WH3N YOU N33D 1T. YOU 4R3 NOT 4N 1SL4ND 4NY MOR3 TH4N 1 4M. YOU SHOULDNT H4V3 TO SHOULD3R TH1S BURD3N 4LON3.
DO YOU R3M3MB3R WH3N YOU M3T M3? JUST 4FT3R K1LL1NG S1GNL3SS, 4ND 4LL MY FR13NDS H4D TURN3D ON M3. 4S MUCH 4S 1 D1SL1K3 HOW SH3 H4S TR34T3D YOU, 4L3TH314 SOUNDS 4 LOT L1K3 HOW 1 W4S B4CK TH3N. 1T W4SNT TH4T 1 D1DNT C4R3 FOR MYS3LF. OR M4YB3 1T W4S P4RT OF TH4T, BUT 1T W4S 4LSO TH1S... F33L1NG TH4T TH1NGS N33D3D TO B3 DON3. 4ND TH4T 1F SOM3ON3 H4D TO DO TH3M, 1 COULD STOM4CH TH3 F4LLOUT B3ST. 1 CLOS3D MYS3LF OFF. 1 L3T OTH3RS C4ST M3 4S 4 V1LL41N. 1 L3T TH3M H4T3 M3 W1THOUT L4SH1NG B4CK. B3C4US3 4T TH3 3ND OF TH3 D4Y, TH3Y W3R3 TH3 MOST 1MPORT4NT TH1NG TO M3, 4ND 1 WOULD H4V3 DON3 4NYTH1NG FOR TH3M. 4NYTH1NG, KURLOZ.
1 DONT TH1NK YOU R34L1Z3D HOW MUCH YOU H3LP3D JUST BY B31NG TH3R3. WH3N 1 W4NT3D TO SHUT 3V3RYTH1NG OUT, YOU W3R3 TH3R3 T3LL1NG M3 TH4T 1 D3S3RV3D B3TT3R. M4K1NG M3 SM1L3. M4K1NG M3 F33L TH1NGS TH4T W3R3 WORTH F33L1NG. K33P1NG M3 GO1NG. YOU G4V3 M3 4 R34SON TO OP3N UP, LONG B3FOR3 1 KN3W 1 W4NT3D OR N33D3D ON3.
H3LP1NG P3OPL3 1SNT 4LW4YS 4BOUT 4DV1C3. MOTH3RGRUB KNOWS 1 H4V3 FUCK3D TH4T UP M4NY T1M3S TOO. BUT SOM3T1M3S 1T 1S JUST 4BOUT H4NG1NG 4ROUND 4S 4 R3M1ND3R TH4T TH3R3 4R3 R34SONS TO HOLD ON. 1T DO3SNT 4LW4YS S1NK 1N TH3 F1RST T1M3 OR 3V3N TH3 TW3NT13TH. SOM3T1M3S 1T DO3S G3T TO B3 TOO MUCH TO B34R. BUT 1T DO3S M4TT3R. TH3Y W1LL R3M3MB3R TH3 TH1NGS TH4T YOU THOUGHT TH3Y FORGOT, JUST 4S 1 H4V3 FOR TH1NGS TH4T YOU TOLD M3.
SO PL34S3 DONT B3 SO H4RD ON YOURS3LF. 1 4M SUR3 YOU 4R3 H3LP1NG MOR3 TH4N YOU KNOW. YOU H4V3 TH1S... BR1GHT P4SS1ON 1N YOU. 1 NOT1C3D 1T FROM TH3 V3RY F1RST D4Y 1 M3T YOU, 4ND 1T DR3W M3 TOW4RDS YOU, 3V3N D3SP1T3 4LL OF MY M1SG1V1NGS. 1 C4NT 1M4G1N3 OTH3RS NOT S331NG 1T TOO. GOOD OR B4D, R1GHT OR WRONG, YOU 1NSP1R3 P3OPL3. TH4T 1S WH4T M4K3S YOU 4 GOOD L34D3R, R3G4RDL3SS OF WH4T YOU 4R3 L34D1NG. YOU B3L13V3 1N 3V3RYON3 SO MUCH TH4T TH3Y C4NT H3LP BUT B3L13V3 1N TH3MS3LV3S TOO.
1F YOU TH1NK TH4T L34D1NG TH1S S34RCH 1S B3ST FOR NOW, TH3N DO TH4T. 1 W1LL B3 HOP1NG TH3 B3ST FOR YOU. M4YB3 W3 C4N CONV1NC3 FOVOS TO H3LP SOM3HOW, OR TO G1V3 YOU SOM3 K1ND OF SUPPORT. 1N TH3 M34NT1M3, ST4Y STRONG. YOU H4V3 P3OPL3 WHO C4R3 4BOUT YOU, WHO WOULD F1GHT TO B3 N34R TO YOU. L34N ON TH3M 1F YOU N33D 1T. TH4T 1S WH4T W3 4R3 H3R3 FOR.
1 P1TY YOU MOR3 TH4N YOU C4N 1M4G1N3. <3 N3V3R B3 SORRY FOR T4LK1NG TO M3.
I SUPPOSE I MUST CONCEDE THAT A MOTHER FUCKIN TRUTH. however up and unintended. IT WASN'T MEANT TO CAST SHADE OF THEE. i had mere wanted to motherfucking make for what you all seem capable to me. IT SEEMS I AM ALWAYS MAKING TO BE THE MESS OF US. i do not wish you weary. MAKES THIS MOTHERFUCKER WEARY AS ALL FUCK.
aletheia ain't treated me poor. NOT ALL POOR HAS SHE BEEN AT TO TREAT. we just got about us things what ain't connect well none by the other. WE STEP UPON WOUNDS TOO EASY. tends for happening with your ancestor and i too. WE'RE MADE ALL THE FUCK UP OF OPPOSITION, US MAKARAS AND PYROPES ALIKE.
i remember that. I REMEMBER WHAT A FUCKING STUNNER IT WAS AT TO BE. i'd wanted for sweeps and wanted differentlike all the same and you got about it in a moment. I HADN'T FIGURED IT AN ALTRUISM. i had figured survival. MAKES THE MORE SENSE LOOKING BACK.
aw girl. I DIDN'T GET NO THOUGHT OF IT. i wasn't like this back then. I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU GOT LETTING THEM TREAT AS FOR YOU THAT WAY. i wouldn't have let it be the haps to me. I WOULD HAVE BEEN i should've been kinder my ownself.
BUT I GOT MY GLADNESS ON YOU'RE HERE, YOU KNOW THAT? you mean so much. I DIDN'T UP AND SEE IT THEN BUT I NEEDED YOU. you were a friend when i had... so fucking little...
ALETHEIA AIN'T OWE ME NOTHING... but i owe her. I HAVE TO TRY FOR HER.
thank you. YOU'RE TOO KIND TO THIS MOTHERFUCKER YOU KNOW AT THAT? you're always showing me the way. I SHOULD'VE COME TO YOU SOONER, SAY TRUE. i ain't know if such things you're saying now is true. BUT I WANT THEM TO BE. i want them to see they ought to do better for they. I WANT THEM TO SEE THEY MOTHERFUCKING MATTER. and i want them to want all to stay. IF THEY COULD JUST SEE WHAT I SEE, WE COULD ALL MAKE BETTERLIKE.
the only thing is how to make sure ain't nothing goes wrong. I DON'T WANT TO BE LOSING CONTROL AGAIN. i ain't want to lose myself. I NEED SOMETHING AS WHAT TO... PREVENT SOMEHOW. i can't rely on my being former avox no more, it just doesn't hold through. NOT UNLESS I'M BEING TO SET IT UP OFF DELIBERATE. and you ain't want that. XANTHOUS AND DISCIPLE OUGHT NOT SEE THAT. i just ain't know what to do by that. AIN'T NOBODY'S GOT A CHANCE UP AGAINST ME OTHERWISE. i could crush them without even trying. IF I WASN'T BEING SO SURE AS ALL I'D SLIP MAYBE I COULD BEAR IT.
i kind of figured this sort of shit could be let to wait until i was being older, you know? GET ALL TO DEALING WITH
[The ink stains the page in a great blot.]
everything then. YOU'D BE GONE AND DISCIPLE AND ALL HUMANS AND PROBABLY XANTHOUS. and it just wouldn't up and matter as all by then. I'D GO MAD AND EVENTUALLY THE WICKED SHIT WOULD GET TO BE BEING OVER. we'd find one another in whatever afters up and await. WE WOULDN'T NEED NO WORRY ON OF THAT NOISE.
[Except him.]
but this is all come a lot sooner. I NEED TO FIGURE SOMETHING. a motherfucking failsafe of sorts.
I'M GOING AT TO FIGURE THIS THE FUCK OUT. and then i'm going to fix things.
I AIN'T SORRY TALKING TO YOU NOW. i'm more sorry i didn't. PERHAPS A MOTHERFUCKER WILL REMEMBER THIS TIME. keep note of it.
1M GL4D YOU 4R3 F33L1NG B3TT3R. 1T M4K3S M3 R34LLY H4PPY TO R34D TH4T F1R3 COM3 B4CK 1NTO YOUR WORDS. 1 W1SH 1 COULD B3 TH3R3 TO W1TN3SS 1T 1N P3RSON. BUT TH3N 1 TH1NK 1 M1GHT M1SS 1T FOR 4LL TH3 K1SS3S 1 WOULD B3 SHOW3R1NG YOU W1TH R1GHT NOW.
1M PROUD OF YOU. 4LW4YS. 1 DONT W4NT YOU TO 3V3R TH1NK TH4T 4NYTH1NG YOU DO COULD L3T M3 DOWN. YOU H4V3 COM3 TOO F4R TO 3V3R B3 4 D1S4PPO1NTM3NT TO M3. <3
BUT WH4T YOU M3NT1ON3D 1N YOUR L3TT3R... 1 TH1NK NOW M1GHT B3 4 GOOD T1M3 TO T4LK TO YOU 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG TOO. SOM3TH1NG 1 H4V3NT B33N T4LK1NG 4BOUT JUST Y3T.
1V3 B33N CONS1D3R1NG M4K1NG 4 CH4NG3, BUT 1 W4NT3D TO G3T 4LL TH3 1NFORM4T1ON ON 1F 1T W4S POSS1BL3 FROM FOVOS. 4ND 1 W4NT3D TO RUN 1T BY YOU F1RST. 1 WONT DO 4NYTH1NG UNT1L 1 G3T YOUR 4NSW3R ON3 W4Y OR 4NOTH3R. 1T WOULD B3 4S MUCH FOR YOU 4S 1T WOULD B3 FOR M3, 4ND YOU SHOULD H4V3 4 S4Y 1N 1T.
BUT 1 W4S TH1NK1NG 4BOUT TH3 FUTUR3, 4ND WH4T M1GHT H4PP3N 4FT3R 1M GON3. 1 DONT W4NT TH4T FOR YOU. 1 H4V3 W1TN3SS3D WH4T MY D34TH DO3S TO YOU, 4ND 1 DONT W4NT YOU TO 3NDUR3 TH4T SUFF3R1NG. 1 C4NT B34R TH3 THOUGHT OF 1T. SO.
1 W4NT TO W1SH MY L1F3SP4N TO B3 TH3 S4M3 4S YOURS.
1 KNOW TH4T 1 C4NT PROM1S3 HOW LONG W3 W1LL H4V3 DOWN TO TH3 S3COND, BUT 1 W4NT US TO B3 3QU4L. 1 DONT TH1NK 1T WOULD B3 F41R TO 4SK YOU TO CUT YOUR L1F3 SHORT. 1 DONT W4NT YOU TO DO TH4T FOR M3. 4ND 1 DONT W4NT YOU TO B3 M1S3R4BL3 W1THOUT M3. 1 DONT W4NT YOU TO 3ND UP 4LON3.
TH1S 1S TH3 B3ST SOLUT1ON TH4T 1 C4N COM3 UP W1TH. L3T M3 KNOW WH4T YOU TH1NK. 4ND B3 HON3ST. 4ND DONT B3 M4D. 1 W1LL W41T.
are you serious? TRULY? oh mirth. OH MESSIAHS TWO, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A MIRACLE THAT IS TO BE HEARING FOR. you ain't know what that means. YES! yes, yes, all times the fuck more let it be up and preached! I WANT IT, I WANT YOU. for as long as i'm extant i want you.
AND DESCENDANTS! oh mirth, terezi, you ain't know what it feels like but if you were to... IT'S NEAR TERRIFING AS THE LORD BUT IT'S MIRACULOUS TOO. i ain't think i could describe it to you without you having to already know it. BUT IT'S SO MUCH, SISTER. what the humans call it. LOVE. you'll love so much. AND THEY WILL LOVE YOU AND YOU'LL KNOW.
but. ARE YOU CERTAIN? are you truly sure? IT'S SO MUCH TIME, SISTER. it's so much time as ain't nobody else has and even if it ain't just us we'll watch them age and pass. YOU DON'T HAVE TO. i really ain't mind making smaller of mine own. IT'LL HURT, LIVING SO LONG. i don't want you to choose simply for my sake.
BUT I COULD NEVER BE MAD TO KEEP YOU. that's what i want most in my life. IT'S WHAT I'LL ALWAYS WANT.
and i dare say, ain't think it's me what would be showered by pity as of now.
I WANT IT ALL. i want you. I WANT TIME. i want family. TOGETHER.
1 TH1NK 1 COULD M4N4G3 4 FOR3V3R 1F 1T W4S W1TH YOU. YOU DONT H4V3 TO WORRY. 1 KNOW WH4T 1 W4NT. 1 W1LL B3 OK4Y 4S LONG 4S YOU 4R3 TH3R3. 4ND 1F 1T 3V3R G3TS TO B3 TOO MUCH, W3 C4N F1GUR3 SOM3TH1NG 3LS3 OUT TH3N. TOG3TH3R.
1 M4D3 TH3 W1SH L4ST N1GHT, 4FT3R 1 GOT YOUR L3TT3R. 1 DONT F33L 4NY D1FF3R3NT, BUT TH3R3 W4S 4N 1M4G3 1N TH3 M1RROR TH1S MORN1NG. FROM FOVOS. 1 TR13D TO R3CR34T3 1T 4S B3ST 1 COULD SO YOU COULD H4V3 1T TOO. 1T W4S TH3 TWO OF US, BUT OLD3R. 4 LOT OLD3R, 4ND S1TT1NG TOG3TH3R. 1 DONT KNOW 1F 1TS 4NYTH1NG L1K3 4 PROPH3CY BUT. 1 4M SUR3 1T M34NS TH4T TH3 W1SH 1S DON3.
1 C4NT W41T TO V1S1T YOU 4G41N. 1 C4NT W41T FOR TH3 W4LLS TO COM3 DOWN. 1 F33L L1K3 M4YB3 1 SHOULD H4V3 W41T3D, CONS1D3R1NG HOW MUCH 1T M4K3S M3 W4NT TO B3 W1TH YOU 4G41N. BUT 1 D1DNT W4NT TO M1SS MY CH4NC3.
1 W1SH 1 KN3W WH4T TO S4Y 4BOUT D3SC3ND4NTS. 1T F33LS W31RD TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T. W3 4R3 ONLY B4R3LY 4DULTS. OUR K1ND DO3SNT R34LLY... W3 DONT C4R3 FOR OUR OWN YOUNG. BUT 1 W4NT TO. 1 W4NT TH3M TO H4V3 4LL TH3 TH1NGS W3 N3V3R D1D. 1 W4NT TO DO 1T R1GHT. BUT 1 4M 4LSO SC4R3D TH4T 1 WONT KNOW HOW.
1T 1S 4 LOT OF F33L1NGS TH4T 1 4M NOT SUR3 HOW TO 3XPL41N. BUT W3 W1LL H4V3 4 LOT OF T1M3 TO F1GUR3 1T OUT.
1 P1TY YOU SO MUCH. 1 4M SO GL4D TO H4V3 YOU. 1 M1SS YOU MOR3 TH4N 1 C4N S4Y.
4LW4YS YOURS, T3R3Z1
[There's a picture included with the letter. It's the two of them, holding hands and watching a sunset, seated on a grassy hill. They're both clearly older, but the same kind of older, and her head is leaning against his arm.]
this is real. THIS IS REALLY MOTHERFUCKING HAPPENING. it's been days and i've been trying to convince my ownself and i still don't believe but it's so beautiful. IT'S SO MOTHERFUCKING BEAUTIFUL. got a brother down and weeping you did, don't you know? KEPT IN HANDS FOR HOURS.
we should maybe have got speaking to your moirail too, firstlike. BUT MIRTH, I'M SO HAPPY. just knowing i get to have you.
THE MOMENT I CAN SEE YOU AGAIN. i ain't letting you out of my arms. THE WALLS WILL HAVE TO COME ON DOWN CAUSE I AIN'T LETTING YOU AWAY FROM ME.
you'll know. OR MAYBE YOU WON'T, THAT'S FINE, I DON'T KNOW SHIT NEITHER. we can figure it out. WE CAN ASK ON ABOUTS FOR HELP. no one ever said at we had to do this alone. THEY'LL HAVE EVERYTHING. they can even have you, if we want them to.
WE'VE GOT TIME. you and me, we've got all the time.
I PITY YOU. i pity you. I PITY YOU.
forever yours, KURLOZ
[The paper comes with numerous small marks of pale indigo.]
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codename_snapdragon) wrote2016-04-11 01:12 pm
no subject
1 W1SH YOU H4D TOLD M3 SOON3R. 1T SOUNDS L1K3 YOUV3 B33N K33P1NG SO MUCH TO YOURS3LF. BOTTL1NG 1T UP L1K3 YOU 4R3 TRY1NG TO PROT3CT M3 FROM 1T. >:[ 1 DONT W4NT TO B3 K3PT 1N TH3 D4RK. 1 W4NT TO B3 4BL3 TO H3LP YOU 1F 1 C4N. 1 W4NT TO SUPPORT YOU WH3N YOU N33D 1T. YOU 4R3 NOT 4N 1SL4ND 4NY MOR3 TH4N 1 4M. YOU SHOULDNT H4V3 TO SHOULD3R TH1S BURD3N 4LON3.
DO YOU R3M3MB3R WH3N YOU M3T M3? JUST 4FT3R K1LL1NG S1GNL3SS, 4ND 4LL MY FR13NDS H4D TURN3D ON M3. 4S MUCH 4S 1 D1SL1K3 HOW SH3 H4S TR34T3D YOU, 4L3TH314 SOUNDS 4 LOT L1K3 HOW 1 W4S B4CK TH3N. 1T W4SNT TH4T 1 D1DNT C4R3 FOR MYS3LF. OR M4YB3 1T W4S P4RT OF TH4T, BUT 1T W4S 4LSO TH1S... F33L1NG TH4T TH1NGS N33D3D TO B3 DON3. 4ND TH4T 1F SOM3ON3 H4D TO DO TH3M, 1 COULD STOM4CH TH3 F4LLOUT B3ST. 1 CLOS3D MYS3LF OFF. 1 L3T OTH3RS C4ST M3 4S 4 V1LL41N. 1 L3T TH3M H4T3 M3 W1THOUT L4SH1NG B4CK. B3C4US3 4T TH3 3ND OF TH3 D4Y, TH3Y W3R3 TH3 MOST 1MPORT4NT TH1NG TO M3, 4ND 1 WOULD H4V3 DON3 4NYTH1NG FOR TH3M. 4NYTH1NG, KURLOZ.
1 DONT TH1NK YOU R34L1Z3D HOW MUCH YOU H3LP3D JUST BY B31NG TH3R3. WH3N 1 W4NT3D TO SHUT 3V3RYTH1NG OUT, YOU W3R3 TH3R3 T3LL1NG M3 TH4T 1 D3S3RV3D B3TT3R. M4K1NG M3 SM1L3. M4K1NG M3 F33L TH1NGS TH4T W3R3 WORTH F33L1NG. K33P1NG M3 GO1NG. YOU G4V3 M3 4 R34SON TO OP3N UP, LONG B3FOR3 1 KN3W 1 W4NT3D OR N33D3D ON3.
H3LP1NG P3OPL3 1SNT 4LW4YS 4BOUT 4DV1C3. MOTH3RGRUB KNOWS 1 H4V3 FUCK3D TH4T UP M4NY T1M3S TOO. BUT SOM3T1M3S 1T 1S JUST 4BOUT H4NG1NG 4ROUND 4S 4 R3M1ND3R TH4T TH3R3 4R3 R34SONS TO HOLD ON. 1T DO3SNT 4LW4YS S1NK 1N TH3 F1RST T1M3 OR 3V3N TH3 TW3NT13TH. SOM3T1M3S 1T DO3S G3T TO B3 TOO MUCH TO B34R. BUT 1T DO3S M4TT3R. TH3Y W1LL R3M3MB3R TH3 TH1NGS TH4T YOU THOUGHT TH3Y FORGOT, JUST 4S 1 H4V3 FOR TH1NGS TH4T YOU TOLD M3.
1M NOT SUR3 1F 1 3V3R TOLD YOU, BUT 4FT3R TH4T JUNGL3 4R3N4, K4RK4T C4M3 TO 4POLOG1Z3 4FT3R 1 TR13D TO S4V3 H1S L1F3. H3 BROUGHT M3 4 G1FT 4ND TOLD H3 H4D B33N 4 HUG3 J3RK 4ND HOW T3RR1BL3 H3 F3LT. 4ND B3FOR3 1 M1GHT H4V3 4CC3PT3D TH3 G1FT 4ND TOLD H1M 1T W4S OK4Y. BUT 1 D1DNT. B3C4US3 TH3 W4Y H3 H4D 4CT3D W4SNT OK4Y. 3V3N 1F 1 W4S UPS3T W1TH YOU 4T TH3 T1M3, THOS3 WORDS ST1LL M4TT3R3D TO M3. 4ND 1 R3M3MB3R3D TH3M WH3N 1 N33D3D TH3M.
SO PL34S3 DONT B3 SO H4RD ON YOURS3LF. 1 4M SUR3 YOU 4R3 H3LP1NG MOR3 TH4N YOU KNOW. YOU H4V3 TH1S... BR1GHT P4SS1ON 1N YOU. 1 NOT1C3D 1T FROM TH3 V3RY F1RST D4Y 1 M3T YOU, 4ND 1T DR3W M3 TOW4RDS YOU, 3V3N D3SP1T3 4LL OF MY M1SG1V1NGS. 1 C4NT 1M4G1N3 OTH3RS NOT S331NG 1T TOO. GOOD OR B4D, R1GHT OR WRONG, YOU 1NSP1R3 P3OPL3. TH4T 1S WH4T M4K3S YOU 4 GOOD L34D3R, R3G4RDL3SS OF WH4T YOU 4R3 L34D1NG. YOU B3L13V3 1N 3V3RYON3 SO MUCH TH4T TH3Y C4NT H3LP BUT B3L13V3 1N TH3MS3LV3S TOO.
1F YOU TH1NK TH4T L34D1NG TH1S S34RCH 1S B3ST FOR NOW, TH3N DO TH4T. 1 W1LL B3 HOP1NG TH3 B3ST FOR YOU. M4YB3 W3 C4N CONV1NC3 FOVOS TO H3LP SOM3HOW, OR TO G1V3 YOU SOM3 K1ND OF SUPPORT. 1N TH3 M34NT1M3, ST4Y STRONG. YOU H4V3 P3OPL3 WHO C4R3 4BOUT YOU, WHO WOULD F1GHT TO B3 N34R TO YOU. L34N ON TH3M 1F YOU N33D 1T. TH4T 1S WH4T W3 4R3 H3R3 FOR.
1 P1TY YOU MOR3 TH4N YOU C4N 1M4G1N3. <3 N3V3R B3 SORRY FOR T4LK1NG TO M3.
YOUR H34RTK33P3R,
-T3R3Z1
no subject
I SUPPOSE I MUST CONCEDE THAT A MOTHER FUCKIN TRUTH. however up and unintended. IT WASN'T MEANT TO CAST SHADE OF THEE. i had mere wanted to motherfucking make for what you all seem capable to me. IT SEEMS I AM ALWAYS MAKING TO BE THE MESS OF US. i do not wish you weary. MAKES THIS MOTHERFUCKER WEARY AS ALL FUCK.
aletheia ain't treated me poor. NOT ALL POOR HAS SHE BEEN AT TO TREAT. we just got about us things what ain't connect well none by the other. WE STEP UPON WOUNDS TOO EASY. tends for happening with your ancestor and i too. WE'RE MADE ALL THE FUCK UP OF OPPOSITION, US MAKARAS AND PYROPES ALIKE.
i remember that. I REMEMBER WHAT A FUCKING STUNNER IT WAS AT TO BE. i'd wanted for sweeps and wanted differentlike all the same and you got about it in a moment. I HADN'T FIGURED IT AN ALTRUISM. i had figured survival. MAKES THE MORE SENSE LOOKING BACK.
aw girl. I DIDN'T GET NO THOUGHT OF IT. i wasn't like this back then. I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU GOT LETTING THEM TREAT AS FOR YOU THAT WAY. i wouldn't have let it be the haps to me.
I WOULD HAVE BEENi should've been kinder my ownself.BUT I GOT MY GLADNESS ON YOU'RE HERE, YOU KNOW THAT? you mean so much. I DIDN'T UP AND SEE IT THEN BUT I NEEDED YOU. you were a friend when i had... so fucking little...
ALETHEIA AIN'T OWE ME NOTHING... but i owe her. I HAVE TO TRY FOR HER.
thank you. YOU'RE TOO KIND TO THIS MOTHERFUCKER YOU KNOW AT THAT? you're always showing me the way. I SHOULD'VE COME TO YOU SOONER, SAY TRUE. i ain't know if such things you're saying now is true. BUT I WANT THEM TO BE. i want them to see they ought to do better for they. I WANT THEM TO SEE THEY MOTHERFUCKING MATTER. and i want them to want all to stay. IF THEY COULD JUST SEE WHAT I SEE, WE COULD ALL MAKE BETTERLIKE.
the only thing is how to make sure ain't nothing goes wrong. I DON'T WANT TO BE LOSING CONTROL AGAIN. i ain't want to lose myself. I NEED SOMETHING AS WHAT TO... PREVENT SOMEHOW. i can't rely on my being former avox no more, it just doesn't hold through. NOT UNLESS I'M BEING TO SET IT UP OFF DELIBERATE. and you ain't want that. XANTHOUS AND DISCIPLE OUGHT NOT SEE THAT. i just ain't know what to do by that. AIN'T NOBODY'S GOT A CHANCE UP AGAINST ME OTHERWISE. i could crush them without even trying. IF I WASN'T BEING SO SURE AS ALL I'D SLIP MAYBE I COULD BEAR IT.
i kind of figured this sort of shit could be let to wait until i was being older, you know? GET ALL TO DEALING WITH
[The ink stains the page in a great blot.]
everything then. YOU'D BE GONE AND DISCIPLE AND ALL HUMANS AND PROBABLY XANTHOUS. and it just wouldn't up and matter as all by then. I'D GO MAD AND EVENTUALLY THE WICKED SHIT WOULD GET TO BE BEING OVER. we'd find one another in whatever afters up and await. WE WOULDN'T NEED NO WORRY ON OF THAT NOISE.
[Except him.]
but this is all come a lot sooner. I NEED TO FIGURE SOMETHING. a motherfucking failsafe of sorts.
I'M GOING AT TO FIGURE THIS THE FUCK OUT. and then i'm going to fix things.
I AIN'T SORRY TALKING TO YOU NOW. i'm more sorry i didn't. PERHAPS A MOTHERFUCKER WILL REMEMBER THIS TIME. keep note of it.
PITY YOU MORE THAN WORLDS CAN HOLD,
-kurloz
no subject
1M GL4D YOU 4R3 F33L1NG B3TT3R. 1T M4K3S M3 R34LLY H4PPY TO R34D TH4T F1R3 COM3 B4CK 1NTO YOUR WORDS. 1 W1SH 1 COULD B3 TH3R3 TO W1TN3SS 1T 1N P3RSON. BUT TH3N 1 TH1NK 1 M1GHT M1SS 1T FOR 4LL TH3 K1SS3S 1 WOULD B3 SHOW3R1NG YOU W1TH R1GHT NOW.
1M PROUD OF YOU. 4LW4YS. 1 DONT W4NT YOU TO 3V3R TH1NK TH4T 4NYTH1NG YOU DO COULD L3T M3 DOWN. YOU H4V3 COM3 TOO F4R TO 3V3R B3 4 D1S4PPO1NTM3NT TO M3. <3
BUT WH4T YOU M3NT1ON3D 1N YOUR L3TT3R... 1 TH1NK NOW M1GHT B3 4 GOOD T1M3 TO T4LK TO YOU 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG TOO. SOM3TH1NG 1 H4V3NT B33N T4LK1NG 4BOUT JUST Y3T.
1V3 B33N CONS1D3R1NG M4K1NG 4 CH4NG3, BUT 1 W4NT3D TO G3T 4LL TH3 1NFORM4T1ON ON 1F 1T W4S POSS1BL3 FROM FOVOS. 4ND 1 W4NT3D TO RUN 1T BY YOU F1RST. 1 WONT DO 4NYTH1NG UNT1L 1 G3T YOUR 4NSW3R ON3 W4Y OR 4NOTH3R. 1T WOULD B3 4S MUCH FOR YOU 4S 1T WOULD B3 FOR M3, 4ND YOU SHOULD H4V3 4 S4Y 1N 1T.
BUT 1 W4S TH1NK1NG 4BOUT TH3 FUTUR3, 4ND WH4T M1GHT H4PP3N 4FT3R 1M GON3. 1 DONT W4NT TH4T FOR YOU. 1 H4V3 W1TN3SS3D WH4T MY D34TH DO3S TO YOU, 4ND 1 DONT W4NT YOU TO 3NDUR3 TH4T SUFF3R1NG. 1 C4NT B34R TH3 THOUGHT OF 1T. SO.
1 W4NT TO W1SH MY L1F3SP4N TO B3 TH3 S4M3 4S YOURS.
NOTH1NG 3LS3. JUST TH4T. 4ND 1F
W3 3V3RTH3R3 W4STH3R3 W4S SOM3HOW 4 W4Y FOR D3SC3ND3NTS. 1F 4NY W3R3 T34L. TH3M TOO.1 KNOW TH4T 1 C4NT PROM1S3 HOW LONG W3 W1LL H4V3 DOWN TO TH3 S3COND, BUT 1 W4NT US TO B3 3QU4L. 1 DONT TH1NK 1T WOULD B3 F41R TO 4SK YOU TO CUT YOUR L1F3 SHORT. 1 DONT W4NT YOU TO DO TH4T FOR M3. 4ND 1 DONT W4NT YOU TO B3 M1S3R4BL3 W1THOUT M3. 1 DONT W4NT YOU TO 3ND UP 4LON3.
TH1S 1S TH3 B3ST SOLUT1ON TH4T 1 C4N COM3 UP W1TH. L3T M3 KNOW WH4T YOU TH1NK. 4ND B3 HON3ST.
4ND DONT B3 M4D.1 W1LL W41T.4LW4YS YOURS,
-T3R3Z1
no subject
are you serious? TRULY? oh mirth. OH MESSIAHS TWO, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A MIRACLE THAT IS TO BE HEARING FOR. you ain't know what that means. YES! yes, yes, all times the fuck more let it be up and preached! I WANT IT, I WANT YOU. for as long as i'm extant i want you.
AND DESCENDANTS! oh mirth, terezi, you ain't know what it feels like but if you were to... IT'S NEAR TERRIFING AS THE LORD BUT IT'S MIRACULOUS TOO. i ain't think i could describe it to you without you having to already know it. BUT IT'S SO MUCH, SISTER. what the humans call it. LOVE. you'll love so much. AND THEY WILL LOVE YOU AND YOU'LL KNOW.
but. ARE YOU CERTAIN? are you truly sure? IT'S SO MUCH TIME, SISTER. it's so much time as ain't nobody else has and even if it ain't just us we'll watch them age and pass. YOU DON'T HAVE TO. i really ain't mind making smaller of mine own. IT'LL HURT, LIVING SO LONG. i don't want you to choose simply for my sake.
BUT I COULD NEVER BE MAD TO KEEP YOU. that's what i want most in my life. IT'S WHAT I'LL ALWAYS WANT.
and i dare say, ain't think it's me what would be showered by pity as of now.
I WANT IT ALL. i want you. I WANT TIME. i want family. TOGETHER.
-kurloz
no subject
1 TH1NK 1 COULD M4N4G3 4 FOR3V3R 1F 1T W4S W1TH YOU. YOU DONT H4V3 TO WORRY. 1 KNOW WH4T 1 W4NT. 1 W1LL B3 OK4Y 4S LONG 4S YOU 4R3 TH3R3. 4ND 1F 1T 3V3R G3TS TO B3 TOO MUCH, W3 C4N F1GUR3 SOM3TH1NG 3LS3 OUT TH3N. TOG3TH3R.
1 M4D3 TH3 W1SH L4ST N1GHT, 4FT3R 1 GOT YOUR L3TT3R. 1 DONT F33L 4NY D1FF3R3NT, BUT TH3R3 W4S 4N 1M4G3 1N TH3 M1RROR TH1S MORN1NG. FROM FOVOS. 1 TR13D TO R3CR34T3 1T 4S B3ST 1 COULD SO YOU COULD H4V3 1T TOO. 1T W4S TH3 TWO OF US, BUT OLD3R. 4 LOT OLD3R, 4ND S1TT1NG TOG3TH3R. 1 DONT KNOW 1F 1TS 4NYTH1NG L1K3 4 PROPH3CY BUT. 1 4M SUR3 1T M34NS TH4T TH3 W1SH 1S DON3.
1 C4NT W41T TO V1S1T YOU 4G41N. 1 C4NT W41T FOR TH3 W4LLS TO COM3 DOWN. 1 F33L L1K3 M4YB3 1 SHOULD H4V3 W41T3D, CONS1D3R1NG HOW MUCH 1T M4K3S M3 W4NT TO B3 W1TH YOU 4G41N. BUT 1 D1DNT W4NT TO M1SS MY CH4NC3.
1 W1SH 1 KN3W WH4T TO S4Y 4BOUT D3SC3ND4NTS. 1T F33LS W31RD TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T. W3 4R3 ONLY B4R3LY 4DULTS. OUR K1ND DO3SNT R34LLY... W3 DONT C4R3 FOR OUR OWN YOUNG. BUT 1 W4NT TO. 1 W4NT TH3M TO H4V3 4LL TH3 TH1NGS W3 N3V3R D1D. 1 W4NT TO DO 1T R1GHT. BUT 1 4M 4LSO SC4R3D TH4T 1 WONT KNOW HOW.
1T 1S 4 LOT OF F33L1NGS TH4T 1 4M NOT SUR3 HOW TO 3XPL41N. BUT W3 W1LL H4V3 4 LOT OF T1M3 TO F1GUR3 1T OUT.
1 P1TY YOU SO MUCH. 1 4M SO GL4D TO H4V3 YOU. 1 M1SS YOU MOR3 TH4N 1 C4N S4Y.
4LW4YS YOURS,
T3R3Z1
[There's a picture included with the letter. It's the two of them, holding hands and watching a sunset, seated on a grassy hill. They're both clearly older, but the same kind of older, and her head is leaning against his arm.]
no subject
this is real. THIS IS REALLY MOTHERFUCKING HAPPENING. it's been days and i've been trying to convince my ownself and i still don't believe but it's so beautiful. IT'S SO MOTHERFUCKING BEAUTIFUL. got a brother down and weeping you did, don't you know? KEPT IN HANDS FOR HOURS.
we should maybe have got speaking to your moirail too, firstlike. BUT MIRTH, I'M SO HAPPY. just knowing i get to have you.
THE MOMENT I CAN SEE YOU AGAIN. i ain't letting you out of my arms. THE WALLS WILL HAVE TO COME ON DOWN CAUSE I AIN'T LETTING YOU AWAY FROM ME.
you'll know. OR MAYBE YOU WON'T, THAT'S FINE, I DON'T KNOW SHIT NEITHER. we can figure it out. WE CAN ASK ON ABOUTS FOR HELP. no one ever said at we had to do this alone. THEY'LL HAVE EVERYTHING. they can even have you, if we want them to.
WE'VE GOT TIME. you and me, we've got all the time.
I PITY YOU. i pity you. I PITY YOU.
forever yours,
KURLOZ
[The paper comes with numerous small marks of pale indigo.]