AlL ThEm tHiNgS As yOu sAiD ArE LiKe tO Be mOtHeRfUcKiNg bEaUtIfUl. LiKe pArAdIsE. a mOsT MiRaCuLoUs pLaCe wHaT'S MaDe rEaL. wIsH I CoUlD Be SeEiNg iT ToO GeTtInG ExPeRiEnCe oN As tO ThEm tHiNgS YoU'Re sPeAkInG Of. TrY AlL ThE CoMeStIbLeS SwEeT AnD LaY On iN ThE MiDdLe oF EvErYtHiNg aS FoR TaKiNg iN ThE CoLoR LiT LeGiT. gEt a lIsTeN On tO It aLl. MaYbE ToUcH ThE WaVeS.
I AiN'T UsEd tO PeOpLe nOnE EiThEr. ThErE WaS So mOtHeRfUcKiNg mAnY WhAt wAs bEiNg uP In tHe cApItOl. AnD ThEn tHeRe wAsN'T AnD ThEn tHeRe wAs bEiNg tHiS PlAcE. tHeRe's lOtS HeRe tOo, BuT We's aLl fUrThEr aWaY, hAvInG At oUr oWn hIvEs. I GuEsS It's lIkE WhAt a rEgUlAr hIvEcLuStEr wOuLd mAkE To bE. iT AiN'T BaD Or nOnE, i jUsT KiNd oF ThOuGhT MaYbE I WoUlD LiKe iT MoRe.
[Not by fault of the meadous. He just isn't so sure he should be there. And he still manages not seeing anyone so much. He thought a hivecluster would be less lonely, even if it is less dangerous.]
I'M SoRrY YoU AiN'T GoT No tReE. i wEnT On sEeInG If aS I CoUlD SeNd oNe bUt i aIn't sO SuRe hOw yEt. MoSt iS BeInG KiNd oF BiG. sEeDs dOn't gRoW VeRy fAsT NoNe eItHeR. :o(
I'M SoRrY ShIt aIn't gEtTiNg tO BrInGiNg nO HaPpInEsS On aT To yOu nEiThEr. BuT I AiN'T GoT AnY ExPeCtAtIoNs nOnE. tHiS Is sEeMiNg gOoD Up aS It iS, tO Me. MaYbE I'Ll bE AbLe tO Be mAkInG YoU HaPpY SoMe tImE EvEnTuAl tOo.
I GoT TrYiNg tO MaKiNg hIm hApPy. IzZeKiEl, I Up aNd mEaN. wE HaDn't tAlKeD YeT, bUt i wEnT, aNd iT WaSn't bEiNg sO BaD Up aFtErAlL. wE GoT SiTtInG ToGeThErLiKe aNd wE LiStEnEd aS By tHe wAtEr. HaVe yOu eVeR BeEn rEaLlY ScArEd aNd a lItTlE SaD BuT KiNd oF HaPpY Up aT ThE SaMe mOtHeRfUcKiNg tImE? wAs kInD Of lIkE ThAt, I ThInK. eVeRyOnE WaS SaYiNg aS He wAs bEiNg rEaL AnGrY, cAuSe sOmE MoThErFuCkEr gOt pReTeNdInG To bE DeAd aS LiKe iN A GaMe aNd eVeRyOnE WaS FiGhTiNg aNd i tHiNk hE WaS Up bEiNg pArT Of tRyInG FiXiNg tHaT Or sOmEtHiNg? AnYwAy, He gOt rEaL MaD AfTeR AnD Up aNd lEfT AnD EvErYoNe wAs sAyInG LiKe iT BeSt nOt tO Go nEaR At tO HiM. bUt eVeN ThOuGh hE GoT AcTiNg mAd aNd eVeRyOnE WaS SaYiNg sO, i cOuLd tElL As aLl hE WaS ReAlLy sCaReD. wAs lIkE I CoUlD HeAr iT AlL Up iN My nUgBoNe. So i wEnT, fInAlLy, AnD ThEn iT WaS MaKiNg lIkE He wAsN'T ReAlLy sO MaD Up aT AlL. yOu kNoW WhAt i mEaN? i aIn't sUrE I'M SaYiNg tHiS AlL RiGhT. wAs rEaL WeIrD. i aIn't nEvEr dOnE NoThInG LiKe tHaT Up bEfOrEwAyS.
BuT, wHaT I'M MeAnInG As tO GeTtInG At iS, tHaNkS, i tHiNk. As fOr sAyInG It wAs oKaY. wE'Re mAkInG AlL To hAnG OuT AgAiN SoMeTiMe, MaYbE, wHeN He's fEeLiNg bEtTeRlIkE.
I GoT LoTs oF ThInGs aS To fInD Up iN ThE MeAdOuS. tHeRe's bEiNg mOuNtAiNs aNd cLiFfS, oCeAn aNd tReEs. EvEn tHeSe mAgIc cOlOr fUnGiS. i'm pUtTiNg a bIt oF AlEtHeIa's tReE LeAvEs oN In tHiS. i hOpE At yOu lIkE FoR ThEm. If tHeRe's aNyThInG As gOt wAnTiNg fOr i cAn sEnD It oN NeXt tImE.
[She stares at the letter for a long time, reading it over and over again. Not because she wants to or because she likes what it says. She reads it like there's a second meaning hidden in those words. Like there's a puzzle to be worked out. The parts about Kurloz scare her out of her mind, but she clamps down on both that and the urge to write to him immediately. There's a part of her that doesn't want him to know about these letters. Not yet.]
[The leaves are taken from the letter, but she's not sure what else to do with them. It feels wrong to put them with the things that Meulin and Kurloz gave her. It feels wrong to throw them away. In the end, she puts them between the pages of a book and puts the book under her cot. She's not keeping them. She's just storing them until she figures out what to do.]
G4MZ33 M4K4R4
TH3R3 4R3 TR33S H3R3. TH3YR3 JUST NOT MY TR33. 1 DONT KNOW 1F 4LT3RN14N TR33S WOULD 3V3N GROW H3R3.
YOU SHOULD STOP WORRY1NG 4BOUT M4K1NG M3 H4PPY. TH4T 1S SO F4R B3YOND 4 POSS1B1L1TY R1GHT NOW TH4T 1T 1S NOT 3V3N WORTH M3NT1ON1NG.
YOU H4D B3TT3R B3 TR34T1NG 1ZZ3K13L W3LL.
THE LEAVES ARE OKAY.
[Once again, there's dots on the page that indicate where she paused. She tap, tap, taps the pen, starts to write a word, and then thinks better of it. She frowns at the paper for a long time, trying to think of something else to say.]
WHY DONT YOU L1K3 TH3 H1V3 CLUST3R? 1S TH3R3 SOM3TH1NG WRONG W1TH 1T?
[That's the most congeniality that she can draw up from herself, so that's going to have to be good enough. She signs the letter and sends it on its way.]
I WoUlD GeT BeInG MaKiNg lIkE To aSk! ShOuLdN'T GeT No hArMs dOnE Up iN ThE KnOwInG, rIgHt?
I'Ll tRy tO Be nOt wOrRyInG So mUcH. iT'S HaRd tHoUgH, sEeInG As i sTiLl tHiNk aLl oN As lIkE YoU ShOuLd bE AnD I KiNd oF WaNt yOu tO Be aNd sUcHlIkE.
I AiN'T BeEn tReAtInG IzZeKiEl nOt wElL? i aIn't sO GoOd aT ThIs wHoLe dEsCeNdInG BuSiNeSs wHaT'S To bE, bUt wE'Ve bEeN HaNgInG OuT OnCe iN A WhIlE. nOt a wHoLe lOt bUt tHaT'S JuSt cAuSe oF Me.
GoT A GlAdNeSs oN YoU LiKe tHe lEaVeS. :o)
AiN'T No tHiNg bEiNg wRoNg wItH ThE HiVeClUsTeR. nO WrOnGs rEaL DoNe uP. iT'S JuSt...
I GoT UsEd tO LiViNg aLoNe, YoU GeT Me? AnD I GuEsS I WaS AlWaYs kInD Of wAnTiNg nOt tO Be, A LiTtLe. BuT ThEn i gOt hErE, aNd iT'S LiKe, MoThErFuCk! ThAt's a wHoLe lOt oF MoThErFuCkErS WhAt's mAkInG ReAl nEaRlIkE! bUt... It sTiLl fEeLs tHe sAmE As bEiNg aLoNe. It fEeLs lIkE A LoT Of aLoNe, BuT LiKe iT ShOuLdN'T Be, AlL Up tHe fUcK In rEaCh iS It, ReAl nEaR, rEaL ClOsE, bUt i cAn't mAkE ThIs hUsK Do nO ReAcHiNg. AnD I DoN'T KnOw iF I ReAlLy wAnT No oNe rEaChInG BaCk fOr mE.
ExCePt wHeN I Do, I GuEsS, wRiTiNg tO YoU. sOrRy, SiStEr.
BuT, iN AnY CaSiNgS, iT'S NoT SuPpOsEd tO Be aLoNe, BuT I'M MaKiNg aLoNe aNyWaYs, AnD ThAt kInDa jUsT FeElS WoRsE. cAuSe tHeN It's mEaNiNg lIkE CaUsE It's mE. bUt i dOn't gOt nO KnOwInG HoW To fIx tHaT.
I'D MaKe aSkInG If yOu eVeR GoT FeElInG SaMe, BuT YoU'Re aLl eVeRyBoDy's fRiEnD WhO'S SmArT AnD GoOd aNd sHiT. sO, pRoBaBlY NoT.
ThE WiCkEd bUsInEsS HaS MoSt tRuLy bEeN WiCkEd aS FoR WhAt tHiNgS Is tO Be dOnE HeRe. AlL KiNdS GoInG DoWn, EvEn aS It's qUiEt. I'M TrYiNg tO ThInK On wHaT OtHeR ThInGs i cOuLd bE SeNdInG YoU BuT I AiN'T AlL SuRe wHaT YoU'D LiKe. YoU JuSt dRoP ThEm wOrDs lIkE YoU WaS SlAmMiNg tHeM AnD I'Ll rOuNd uP WhAt's nEaT To mEeT It. HoNk. HoNk.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2017-06-06 09:34 pm (UTC)AlL ThEm tHiNgS As yOu sAiD ArE LiKe tO Be mOtHeRfUcKiNg bEaUtIfUl. LiKe pArAdIsE. a mOsT MiRaCuLoUs pLaCe wHaT'S MaDe rEaL. wIsH I CoUlD Be
SeEiNg iT ToOGeTtInG ExPeRiEnCe oN As tO ThEm tHiNgS YoU'Re sPeAkInG Of. TrY AlL ThE CoMeStIbLeS SwEeT AnD LaY On iN ThE MiDdLe oF EvErYtHiNg aS FoR TaKiNg iN ThE CoLoR LiT LeGiT. gEt a lIsTeN On tO It aLl. MaYbE ToUcH ThE WaVeS.I AiN'T UsEd tO PeOpLe nOnE EiThEr. ThErE WaS So mOtHeRfUcKiNg mAnY WhAt wAs bEiNg uP In tHe cApItOl. AnD ThEn tHeRe wAsN'T AnD ThEn tHeRe wAs bEiNg tHiS PlAcE. tHeRe's lOtS HeRe tOo, BuT We's aLl fUrThEr aWaY, hAvInG At oUr oWn hIvEs. I GuEsS It's lIkE WhAt a rEgUlAr hIvEcLuStEr wOuLd mAkE To bE. iT AiN'T BaD Or nOnE, i jUsT KiNd oF ThOuGhT MaYbE I WoUlD LiKe iT MoRe.
[Not by fault of the meadous. He just isn't so sure he should be there. And he still manages not seeing anyone so much. He thought a hivecluster would be less lonely, even if it is less dangerous.]
I'M SoRrY YoU AiN'T GoT No tReE. i wEnT On sEeInG If aS I CoUlD SeNd oNe bUt i aIn't sO SuRe hOw yEt. MoSt iS BeInG KiNd oF BiG. sEeDs dOn't gRoW VeRy fAsT NoNe eItHeR. :o(
I'M SoRrY ShIt aIn't gEtTiNg tO BrInGiNg nO HaPpInEsS On aT To yOu nEiThEr. BuT I AiN'T GoT AnY ExPeCtAtIoNs nOnE. tHiS Is sEeMiNg gOoD Up aS It iS, tO Me. MaYbE I'Ll bE AbLe tO Be mAkInG YoU HaPpY SoMe tImE EvEnTuAl tOo.
I GoT TrYiNg tO MaKiNg hIm hApPy. IzZeKiEl, I Up aNd mEaN. wE HaDn't tAlKeD YeT, bUt i wEnT, aNd iT WaSn't bEiNg sO BaD Up aFtErAlL. wE GoT SiTtInG ToGeThErLiKe aNd wE LiStEnEd aS By tHe wAtEr. HaVe yOu eVeR BeEn rEaLlY ScArEd aNd a lItTlE SaD BuT KiNd oF HaPpY Up aT ThE SaMe mOtHeRfUcKiNg tImE? wAs kInD Of lIkE ThAt, I ThInK. eVeRyOnE WaS SaYiNg aS He wAs bEiNg rEaL AnGrY, cAuSe sOmE MoThErFuCkEr gOt pReTeNdInG To bE DeAd aS LiKe iN A GaMe aNd eVeRyOnE WaS FiGhTiNg aNd i tHiNk hE WaS Up bEiNg pArT Of tRyInG FiXiNg tHaT Or sOmEtHiNg? AnYwAy, He gOt rEaL MaD AfTeR AnD Up aNd lEfT AnD EvErYoNe wAs sAyInG LiKe iT BeSt nOt tO Go nEaR At tO HiM. bUt eVeN ThOuGh hE GoT AcTiNg mAd aNd eVeRyOnE WaS SaYiNg sO, i cOuLd tElL As aLl hE WaS ReAlLy sCaReD. wAs lIkE I CoUlD HeAr iT AlL Up iN My nUgBoNe. So i wEnT, fInAlLy, AnD ThEn iT WaS MaKiNg lIkE He wAsN'T ReAlLy sO MaD Up aT AlL. yOu kNoW WhAt i mEaN? i aIn't sUrE I'M SaYiNg tHiS AlL RiGhT. wAs rEaL WeIrD. i aIn't nEvEr dOnE NoThInG LiKe tHaT Up bEfOrEwAyS.
BuT, wHaT I'M MeAnInG As tO GeTtInG At iS, tHaNkS, i tHiNk. As fOr sAyInG It wAs oKaY. wE'Re mAkInG AlL To hAnG OuT AgAiN SoMeTiMe, MaYbE, wHeN He's fEeLiNg bEtTeRlIkE.
I GoT LoTs oF ThInGs aS To fInD Up iN ThE MeAdOuS. tHeRe's bEiNg mOuNtAiNs aNd cLiFfS, oCeAn aNd tReEs. EvEn tHeSe mAgIc cOlOr fUnGiS. i'm pUtTiNg a bIt oF AlEtHeIa's tReE LeAvEs oN In tHiS. i hOpE At yOu lIkE FoR ThEm. If tHeRe's aNyThInG As gOt wAnTiNg fOr i cAn sEnD It oN NeXt tImE.
-gAmZeE
no subject
Date: 2017-12-03 06:49 pm (UTC)[The leaves are taken from the letter, but she's not sure what else to do with them. It feels wrong to put them with the things that Meulin and Kurloz gave her. It feels wrong to throw them away. In the end, she puts them between the pages of a book and puts the book under her cot. She's not keeping them. She's just storing them until she figures out what to do.]
G4MZ33 M4K4R4
TH3R3 4R3 TR33S H3R3. TH3YR3 JUST NOT MY TR33. 1 DONT KNOW 1F 4LT3RN14N TR33S WOULD 3V3N GROW H3R3.
YOU SHOULD STOP WORRY1NG 4BOUT M4K1NG M3 H4PPY. TH4T 1S SO F4R B3YOND 4 POSS1B1L1TY R1GHT NOW TH4T 1T 1S NOT 3V3N WORTH M3NT1ON1NG.
YOU H4D B3TT3R B3 TR34T1NG 1ZZ3K13L W3LL.
THE LEAVES ARE OKAY.
[Once again, there's dots on the page that indicate where she paused. She tap, tap, taps the pen, starts to write a word, and then thinks better of it. She frowns at the paper for a long time, trying to think of something else to say.]
WHY DONT YOU L1K3 TH3 H1V3 CLUST3R? 1S TH3R3 SOM3TH1NG WRONG W1TH 1T?
[That's the most congeniality that she can draw up from herself, so that's going to have to be good enough. She signs the letter and sends it on its way.]
- T3R3Z1 PYROP3
no subject
Date: 2018-01-21 09:44 pm (UTC)I WoUlD GeT BeInG MaKiNg lIkE To aSk! ShOuLdN'T GeT No hArMs dOnE Up iN ThE KnOwInG, rIgHt?
I'Ll tRy tO Be nOt wOrRyInG So mUcH. iT'S HaRd tHoUgH, sEeInG As i sTiLl tHiNk aLl oN As lIkE YoU ShOuLd bE AnD I KiNd oF WaNt yOu tO Be aNd sUcHlIkE.
I AiN'T BeEn tReAtInG IzZeKiEl nOt wElL? i aIn't sO GoOd aT ThIs wHoLe dEsCeNdInG BuSiNeSs wHaT'S To bE, bUt wE'Ve bEeN HaNgInG OuT OnCe iN A WhIlE. nOt a wHoLe lOt bUt tHaT'S JuSt cAuSe oF Me.
GoT A GlAdNeSs oN YoU LiKe tHe lEaVeS. :o)
AiN'T No tHiNg bEiNg wRoNg wItH ThE HiVeClUsTeR. nO WrOnGs rEaL DoNe uP. iT'S JuSt...
I GoT UsEd tO LiViNg aLoNe, YoU GeT Me? AnD I GuEsS I WaS AlWaYs kInD Of wAnTiNg nOt tO Be, A LiTtLe. BuT ThEn i gOt hErE, aNd iT'S LiKe, MoThErFuCk! ThAt's a wHoLe lOt oF MoThErFuCkErS WhAt's mAkInG ReAl nEaRlIkE! bUt... It sTiLl fEeLs tHe sAmE As bEiNg aLoNe. It fEeLs lIkE A LoT Of aLoNe, BuT LiKe iT ShOuLdN'T Be, AlL Up tHe fUcK In rEaCh iS It, ReAl nEaR, rEaL ClOsE, bUt i cAn't mAkE ThIs hUsK Do nO ReAcHiNg. AnD I DoN'T KnOw iF I ReAlLy wAnT No oNe rEaChInG BaCk fOr mE.
ExCePt wHeN I Do, I GuEsS, wRiTiNg tO YoU. sOrRy, SiStEr.
BuT, iN AnY CaSiNgS, iT'S NoT SuPpOsEd tO Be aLoNe, BuT I'M MaKiNg aLoNe aNyWaYs, AnD ThAt kInDa jUsT FeElS WoRsE. cAuSe tHeN It's mEaNiNg lIkE CaUsE It's mE. bUt i dOn't gOt nO KnOwInG HoW To fIx tHaT.
I'D MaKe aSkInG If yOu eVeR GoT FeElInG SaMe, BuT YoU'Re aLl eVeRyBoDy's fRiEnD WhO'S SmArT AnD GoOd aNd sHiT. sO, pRoBaBlY NoT.
ThE WiCkEd bUsInEsS HaS MoSt tRuLy bEeN WiCkEd aS FoR WhAt tHiNgS Is tO Be dOnE HeRe. AlL KiNdS GoInG DoWn, EvEn aS It's qUiEt. I'M TrYiNg tO ThInK On wHaT OtHeR ThInGs i cOuLd bE SeNdInG YoU BuT I AiN'T AlL SuRe wHaT YoU'D LiKe. YoU JuSt dRoP ThEm wOrDs lIkE YoU WaS SlAmMiNg tHeM AnD I'Ll rOuNd uP WhAt's nEaT To mEeT It. HoNk. HoNk.
-gAmZeE