[Her response doesn't come anywhere near immediately. She's still hurting when she gets his letter back. It makes her even angrier that she can read the guilt weaved into his words. Is she supposed to feel bad that he's basically groveling at her?
The truth is that she does, and she spends more than a few days being resentful of that fact and trying to ignore the obvious manipulation of it. She crumples up the letter and shoves it into the bottom of her chest that holds all of her worldly possessions.
It's not Gamzee's words that finally get to her, but Kurloz's. He told her that people could change, and her thoughts linger on the regrets she had over Vriska's death. Did she tell him all of that, too? Or only about the damage that her Scourge Sister had caused? She can't remember.
Either way, the parallel sticks in ways that make Terezi uncomfortable. She'll never know what might have happened if she had tried to help Vriska--instead of shutting her out until there were only two options left for her to choose. Is this going to end the same? Is she going to regret her moral high ground when everything is said and done? What will it cost her this time? What choices will she be forced to make?
It's weeks later, but she pulls the letter out from her trunk and smooths it out. She reads it again. And again. And again. Her brow furrows as she tries to unveil some secret meaning to the words, but nothing jumps out at her. For the first time, she tries to imagine the Gamzee that she used to know writing this... and it twists up her insides in a way that makes her shove the letter away from her. She stands and walks around the common tent, listening to the low chatter of the other residents.
What it really comes does to is what she can live with. Can she bear to respond to this? Can she bear to not? She doesn't know the answer to either of those questions... but it doesn't take a whole lot of effort to find out the answer to the first one.
When her response finally reaches Gamzee's mailbox, it's chilly and terse, but it's a response that he probably wasn't expecting.]
[He regretted making rid of the sopor. When his last letter got sent and he made about his goodbyes whole and proper, he regretted not having no sweet green to dive into and forget the world's edges. He just wants to forget and even going to Terezi's, the other Terezi's, didn't make him feel better in this instance.
This ain't like the times he bids goodbye to his Da. Terezi ain't being back to him. (But then, neither had Da been, really, why would he have wanted coming back, now he can't even be trying to.)]
TeReZi! MoThErFuCk iT'S YoU, i tHoUgHt iT WaS BeInG ThE OtHeR YoU Or sOmEtHiNg eLsE BuT It's yOu aNd iT'S MaKiNg hApPeNsTaNcE AnD I'M So hApPy! HoNk!
HoNk hOnK HoNk!
FuCk. Uh. HaHa, I AiN'T EvEn kNoWiNg wHaT To bE SaYiNg nOw. I JuSt gOt mY GlAdNeSs oN To bE HeArInG As fRoM YoU. i'vE BeEn mAkInG On nIcE WiTh tHiS TeReZi bUt iT'S LiKe, If i wAsN'T To bE MaKiNg yOu hApPy, HoW'S AlL Am i nOt tO Be mAkInG HeR NoT HaPpY ToO. hOw's aLl aM I NoT To bE DoInG AlL ThEm tHiNgS. aNd eVeN ThOuGh sHe'd bE ThErE I'D MiSs aS FoR YoU AlL AnYwAyS.
[Before he'd talk of oceans and miracles and all such things. None of those is things he's feeling like talking on yet. ]
I DoN'T KnOw wHaT To bE SpEaKiNg fOr. GoT To mAkE PrEaCh mOtHeRfUcKiN LeGiT. bUt iT'S HaRd. I ThInK LiKe i'd tAlK In wAnTiNg fOr hOw wE UsEd tO Be bUt...
I DoN'T ThInK We cAn dO ThAt. can we? not no more.
i feel bad. i feel real bad and i feel like i got a snooze on foreverlike but everyone's got on figuring this shit better than me still. i don't know how to make like i ain't not feeling bad. i don't got nothing anymore. you're all what's here and i don't think i really got you up at all. i think like everyone was getting on being right. i'm all sorts busted up or motherfuck. i listened, honest, i'd just forget to be thinking about it back then a lot, but now i do.
so, i think maybe, i'd just want to be getting talk on to them things what's making you happy, maybe, instead. you was doing that for me. you'd get talking at to me even though as like i was being to know you and all motherfuck. and you got being there and saying for all them things what's sounding fun up at your hive. i always got on saying like it to be next time, maybe, but next time you'd get asking all anyways. i should've been saying yes. then maybe we'd get to have been being better friends that way. i thought about that up a lot, being as where i was. they took my family away and it was lonely and bad and i wished i'd been saying yes up instead.
So mAyBe wE CaN TaLk aBoUt tHeM ThInGs. YoUr sCaLeFrIeNdS AnD YoUr lEgIsLaTiOnAlS AnD YoUr fLaRbS AnD WhAt's lIkE ThAt. We cAn tAlK AbOuT JuStIcE AnD CoLoRs aNd wHaT'S YoUr fRiEnDs gEtTiNg bEiNg tO Do. AnD ThAt gAmE YoU GoT TeLlInG Of a bIt, If yOu wAnT. wHaTeVeR AlL YoU LiKe aS Is mAkInG YoU HaPpY.
i just want to be making you happy.
so uh. yeah. i guess that's being it for what i'm wanting to talk on. i'm really happy to be having this, terezi. always thought you was nice up ins.
[She's not sure that she even expects a response back. She really should have. Why wouldn't he jump at the chance to reel her back in? The thought crosses her mind almost immediately, and it takes her a few minutes to drive it away again.
She doesn't know what to write at first. It feels like a grab at sympathy, and she's not entirely sure that it doesn't work. He reminds her of something that...honestly she'd forgotten. Anything related to him had been shoved so far away from her that she never wanted to think of it again. But he dredges it back up again now, and she's not really sure why.]
G4MZ33 M4K4R4
1 DONT H4V3 4 LOT TO S4Y TO YOU. 1 DONT KNOW WH4T YOUR3 3XP3CT1NG FROM TH1S OR FROM M3. 1 WOULD NOT CONS1D3R T4LK1NG W1TH YOU TO B3 SOM3TH1NG TH4T M4K3S M3 H4PPY.
TH3R3 4R3 NO L3G1SL4C3R4TORS H3R3. TH3R3 4R3NT 4NY FL4RPS 31TH3R. 1 H4V3 4 F3W OF MY SC4L3M4T3S BUT 1 NO LONG3R H4V3 4 TR33 TO H4NG TH3M 1N.
[There are dots on the page, like someone pressed their writing utensil to it over and over, starting to write but then stopping again before any strokes were made. The uncertainty is palpable.]
TH3R3 1S 4 B34CH H3R3. TH3 WHOL3 V1LL4G3 S1TS 1N 4 S3M1 C1RCL3 SURROUND1NG 4 B4Y. TH3 W4V3S 4R3 D4RK 4ND ROLL 1N OV3R 4ND OV3R. TH3Y C4LL TH1S PL4C3 TH3 SUNS3T C1RCUS B3C4US3 OF 4LL TH3 T3NTS 4ND TH3 W4Y TH3 SKY 1S 4LW4YS L1T UP. 1TS 4 M1X OF P1NKS 4ND PURPL3S 4ND OR4NG3S AND BLU3S AND GR3YS 4ND 4LL OF TH4T G3TS R3FL3CT3D OFF OF TH3 W4T3R TOO.
TH3 T3NTS 4R3 COLORFUL. NOT M1RTHFUL COLORFUL BUT SUNS3T COLORFUL. TH3N TH3R3 1S 4LL OF TH3 BOOTHS 4ND TH3 R1D3S W1TH TH31R STR1NGS OF L1GHTS DIPP1NG 1N 4RCH3S FROM POL3 TO POL3. 3V3RYTH1NG SM3LLS L1K3 FR13D FOOD 4ND COTTON C4NDY 4ND S4LT W4T3R. 3XC3PT WH3R3 1T 4LSO SM3LLS L1K3 L1GHT 4ND COLOR 4ND CLOS3N3SS.
TH3R3 4R3 4LW4YS P3OPL3 4ROUND. W3 DO NOT H4V3 S3P4R4T3 HOM3S. JUST ON3 B1G T3NT WH3R3 W3 4LL ST4Y. TH3R3 1S 4LW4YS 4N UND3RCURR3NT OF CH4TT3R1NG VO1C3S 3XC3PT SOM3T1M3S ON TH3 B34CH OR 1N TH3 SURROUND1NG FOR3ST OR ON TH3 OUTSK1RTS OF TH3 C4RN1V4L. 1T 1S W31RD TO H4V3 SO M4NY P3OPL3 4ROUND SO OFT3N. 1 W4SNT US3D TO TH4T.
[There are more dots on the page, like she wasn't sure where to go from there. So instead, she simply cuts it off short, signing the letter and shipping it out before she can second guess what she wrote.]
AlL ThEm tHiNgS As yOu sAiD ArE LiKe tO Be mOtHeRfUcKiNg bEaUtIfUl. LiKe pArAdIsE. a mOsT MiRaCuLoUs pLaCe wHaT'S MaDe rEaL. wIsH I CoUlD Be SeEiNg iT ToO GeTtInG ExPeRiEnCe oN As tO ThEm tHiNgS YoU'Re sPeAkInG Of. TrY AlL ThE CoMeStIbLeS SwEeT AnD LaY On iN ThE MiDdLe oF EvErYtHiNg aS FoR TaKiNg iN ThE CoLoR LiT LeGiT. gEt a lIsTeN On tO It aLl. MaYbE ToUcH ThE WaVeS.
I AiN'T UsEd tO PeOpLe nOnE EiThEr. ThErE WaS So mOtHeRfUcKiNg mAnY WhAt wAs bEiNg uP In tHe cApItOl. AnD ThEn tHeRe wAsN'T AnD ThEn tHeRe wAs bEiNg tHiS PlAcE. tHeRe's lOtS HeRe tOo, BuT We's aLl fUrThEr aWaY, hAvInG At oUr oWn hIvEs. I GuEsS It's lIkE WhAt a rEgUlAr hIvEcLuStEr wOuLd mAkE To bE. iT AiN'T BaD Or nOnE, i jUsT KiNd oF ThOuGhT MaYbE I WoUlD LiKe iT MoRe.
[Not by fault of the meadous. He just isn't so sure he should be there. And he still manages not seeing anyone so much. He thought a hivecluster would be less lonely, even if it is less dangerous.]
I'M SoRrY YoU AiN'T GoT No tReE. i wEnT On sEeInG If aS I CoUlD SeNd oNe bUt i aIn't sO SuRe hOw yEt. MoSt iS BeInG KiNd oF BiG. sEeDs dOn't gRoW VeRy fAsT NoNe eItHeR. :o(
I'M SoRrY ShIt aIn't gEtTiNg tO BrInGiNg nO HaPpInEsS On aT To yOu nEiThEr. BuT I AiN'T GoT AnY ExPeCtAtIoNs nOnE. tHiS Is sEeMiNg gOoD Up aS It iS, tO Me. MaYbE I'Ll bE AbLe tO Be mAkInG YoU HaPpY SoMe tImE EvEnTuAl tOo.
I GoT TrYiNg tO MaKiNg hIm hApPy. IzZeKiEl, I Up aNd mEaN. wE HaDn't tAlKeD YeT, bUt i wEnT, aNd iT WaSn't bEiNg sO BaD Up aFtErAlL. wE GoT SiTtInG ToGeThErLiKe aNd wE LiStEnEd aS By tHe wAtEr. HaVe yOu eVeR BeEn rEaLlY ScArEd aNd a lItTlE SaD BuT KiNd oF HaPpY Up aT ThE SaMe mOtHeRfUcKiNg tImE? wAs kInD Of lIkE ThAt, I ThInK. eVeRyOnE WaS SaYiNg aS He wAs bEiNg rEaL AnGrY, cAuSe sOmE MoThErFuCkEr gOt pReTeNdInG To bE DeAd aS LiKe iN A GaMe aNd eVeRyOnE WaS FiGhTiNg aNd i tHiNk hE WaS Up bEiNg pArT Of tRyInG FiXiNg tHaT Or sOmEtHiNg? AnYwAy, He gOt rEaL MaD AfTeR AnD Up aNd lEfT AnD EvErYoNe wAs sAyInG LiKe iT BeSt nOt tO Go nEaR At tO HiM. bUt eVeN ThOuGh hE GoT AcTiNg mAd aNd eVeRyOnE WaS SaYiNg sO, i cOuLd tElL As aLl hE WaS ReAlLy sCaReD. wAs lIkE I CoUlD HeAr iT AlL Up iN My nUgBoNe. So i wEnT, fInAlLy, AnD ThEn iT WaS MaKiNg lIkE He wAsN'T ReAlLy sO MaD Up aT AlL. yOu kNoW WhAt i mEaN? i aIn't sUrE I'M SaYiNg tHiS AlL RiGhT. wAs rEaL WeIrD. i aIn't nEvEr dOnE NoThInG LiKe tHaT Up bEfOrEwAyS.
BuT, wHaT I'M MeAnInG As tO GeTtInG At iS, tHaNkS, i tHiNk. As fOr sAyInG It wAs oKaY. wE'Re mAkInG AlL To hAnG OuT AgAiN SoMeTiMe, MaYbE, wHeN He's fEeLiNg bEtTeRlIkE.
I GoT LoTs oF ThInGs aS To fInD Up iN ThE MeAdOuS. tHeRe's bEiNg mOuNtAiNs aNd cLiFfS, oCeAn aNd tReEs. EvEn tHeSe mAgIc cOlOr fUnGiS. i'm pUtTiNg a bIt oF AlEtHeIa's tReE LeAvEs oN In tHiS. i hOpE At yOu lIkE FoR ThEm. If tHeRe's aNyThInG As gOt wAnTiNg fOr i cAn sEnD It oN NeXt tImE.
[She stares at the letter for a long time, reading it over and over again. Not because she wants to or because she likes what it says. She reads it like there's a second meaning hidden in those words. Like there's a puzzle to be worked out. The parts about Kurloz scare her out of her mind, but she clamps down on both that and the urge to write to him immediately. There's a part of her that doesn't want him to know about these letters. Not yet.]
[The leaves are taken from the letter, but she's not sure what else to do with them. It feels wrong to put them with the things that Meulin and Kurloz gave her. It feels wrong to throw them away. In the end, she puts them between the pages of a book and puts the book under her cot. She's not keeping them. She's just storing them until she figures out what to do.]
G4MZ33 M4K4R4
TH3R3 4R3 TR33S H3R3. TH3YR3 JUST NOT MY TR33. 1 DONT KNOW 1F 4LT3RN14N TR33S WOULD 3V3N GROW H3R3.
YOU SHOULD STOP WORRY1NG 4BOUT M4K1NG M3 H4PPY. TH4T 1S SO F4R B3YOND 4 POSS1B1L1TY R1GHT NOW TH4T 1T 1S NOT 3V3N WORTH M3NT1ON1NG.
YOU H4D B3TT3R B3 TR34T1NG 1ZZ3K13L W3LL.
THE LEAVES ARE OKAY.
[Once again, there's dots on the page that indicate where she paused. She tap, tap, taps the pen, starts to write a word, and then thinks better of it. She frowns at the paper for a long time, trying to think of something else to say.]
WHY DONT YOU L1K3 TH3 H1V3 CLUST3R? 1S TH3R3 SOM3TH1NG WRONG W1TH 1T?
[That's the most congeniality that she can draw up from herself, so that's going to have to be good enough. She signs the letter and sends it on its way.]
I WoUlD GeT BeInG MaKiNg lIkE To aSk! ShOuLdN'T GeT No hArMs dOnE Up iN ThE KnOwInG, rIgHt?
I'Ll tRy tO Be nOt wOrRyInG So mUcH. iT'S HaRd tHoUgH, sEeInG As i sTiLl tHiNk aLl oN As lIkE YoU ShOuLd bE AnD I KiNd oF WaNt yOu tO Be aNd sUcHlIkE.
I AiN'T BeEn tReAtInG IzZeKiEl nOt wElL? i aIn't sO GoOd aT ThIs wHoLe dEsCeNdInG BuSiNeSs wHaT'S To bE, bUt wE'Ve bEeN HaNgInG OuT OnCe iN A WhIlE. nOt a wHoLe lOt bUt tHaT'S JuSt cAuSe oF Me.
GoT A GlAdNeSs oN YoU LiKe tHe lEaVeS. :o)
AiN'T No tHiNg bEiNg wRoNg wItH ThE HiVeClUsTeR. nO WrOnGs rEaL DoNe uP. iT'S JuSt...
I GoT UsEd tO LiViNg aLoNe, YoU GeT Me? AnD I GuEsS I WaS AlWaYs kInD Of wAnTiNg nOt tO Be, A LiTtLe. BuT ThEn i gOt hErE, aNd iT'S LiKe, MoThErFuCk! ThAt's a wHoLe lOt oF MoThErFuCkErS WhAt's mAkInG ReAl nEaRlIkE! bUt... It sTiLl fEeLs tHe sAmE As bEiNg aLoNe. It fEeLs lIkE A LoT Of aLoNe, BuT LiKe iT ShOuLdN'T Be, AlL Up tHe fUcK In rEaCh iS It, ReAl nEaR, rEaL ClOsE, bUt i cAn't mAkE ThIs hUsK Do nO ReAcHiNg. AnD I DoN'T KnOw iF I ReAlLy wAnT No oNe rEaChInG BaCk fOr mE.
ExCePt wHeN I Do, I GuEsS, wRiTiNg tO YoU. sOrRy, SiStEr.
BuT, iN AnY CaSiNgS, iT'S NoT SuPpOsEd tO Be aLoNe, BuT I'M MaKiNg aLoNe aNyWaYs, AnD ThAt kInDa jUsT FeElS WoRsE. cAuSe tHeN It's mEaNiNg lIkE CaUsE It's mE. bUt i dOn't gOt nO KnOwInG HoW To fIx tHaT.
I'D MaKe aSkInG If yOu eVeR GoT FeElInG SaMe, BuT YoU'Re aLl eVeRyBoDy's fRiEnD WhO'S SmArT AnD GoOd aNd sHiT. sO, pRoBaBlY NoT.
ThE WiCkEd bUsInEsS HaS MoSt tRuLy bEeN WiCkEd aS FoR WhAt tHiNgS Is tO Be dOnE HeRe. AlL KiNdS GoInG DoWn, EvEn aS It's qUiEt. I'M TrYiNg tO ThInK On wHaT OtHeR ThInGs i cOuLd bE SeNdInG YoU BuT I AiN'T AlL SuRe wHaT YoU'D LiKe. YoU JuSt dRoP ThEm wOrDs lIkE YoU WaS SlAmMiNg tHeM AnD I'Ll rOuNd uP WhAt's nEaT To mEeT It. HoNk. HoNk.
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timeasmymeasure
[a few weeks later, about mid-april]
Date: 2017-03-26 04:08 am (UTC)The truth is that she does, and she spends more than a few days being resentful of that fact and trying to ignore the obvious manipulation of it. She crumples up the letter and shoves it into the bottom of her chest that holds all of her worldly possessions.
It's not Gamzee's words that finally get to her, but Kurloz's. He told her that people could change, and her thoughts linger on the regrets she had over Vriska's death. Did she tell him all of that, too? Or only about the damage that her Scourge Sister had caused? She can't remember.
Either way, the parallel sticks in ways that make Terezi uncomfortable. She'll never know what might have happened if she had tried to help Vriska--instead of shutting her out until there were only two options left for her to choose. Is this going to end the same? Is she going to regret her moral high ground when everything is said and done? What will it cost her this time? What choices will she be forced to make?
It's weeks later, but she pulls the letter out from her trunk and smooths it out. She reads it again. And again. And again. Her brow furrows as she tries to unveil some secret meaning to the words, but nothing jumps out at her. For the first time, she tries to imagine the Gamzee that she used to know writing this... and it twists up her insides in a way that makes her shove the letter away from her. She stands and walks around the common tent, listening to the low chatter of the other residents.
What it really comes does to is what she can live with. Can she bear to respond to this? Can she bear to not? She doesn't know the answer to either of those questions... but it doesn't take a whole lot of effort to find out the answer to the first one.
When her response finally reaches Gamzee's mailbox, it's chilly and terse, but it's a response that he probably wasn't expecting.]
G4MZ33 M4K4R4
WH4T DO YOU W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT? YOU C4N D3C1D3.
T3R3Z1 PYROP3
no subject
Date: 2017-03-27 03:16 am (UTC)This ain't like the times he bids goodbye to his Da. Terezi ain't being back to him. (But then, neither had Da been, really, why would he have wanted coming back, now he can't even be trying to.)]
TeReZi! MoThErFuCk iT'S YoU, i tHoUgHt iT WaS BeInG ThE OtHeR YoU Or sOmEtHiNg eLsE BuT It's yOu aNd iT'S MaKiNg hApPeNsTaNcE AnD I'M So hApPy! HoNk!
HoNk hOnK HoNk!
FuCk. Uh. HaHa, I AiN'T EvEn kNoWiNg wHaT To bE SaYiNg nOw. I JuSt gOt mY GlAdNeSs oN To bE HeArInG As fRoM YoU. i'vE BeEn mAkInG On nIcE WiTh tHiS TeReZi bUt iT'S LiKe, If i wAsN'T To bE MaKiNg yOu hApPy, HoW'S AlL Am i nOt tO Be mAkInG HeR NoT HaPpY ToO. hOw's aLl aM I NoT To bE DoInG AlL ThEm tHiNgS. aNd eVeN ThOuGh sHe'd bE ThErE I'D MiSs aS FoR YoU AlL AnYwAyS.
[Before he'd talk of oceans and miracles and all such things. None of those is things he's feeling like talking on yet. ]
I DoN'T KnOw wHaT To bE SpEaKiNg fOr. GoT To mAkE PrEaCh mOtHeRfUcKiN LeGiT. bUt iT'S HaRd. I ThInK LiKe i'd tAlK In wAnTiNg fOr hOw wE UsEd tO Be bUt...
I DoN'T ThInK We cAn dO ThAt. can we? not no more.
i feel bad. i feel real bad and i feel like i got a snooze on foreverlike but everyone's got on figuring this shit better than me still. i don't know how to make like i ain't not feeling bad. i don't got nothing anymore. you're all what's here and i don't think i really got you up at all. i think like everyone was getting on being right. i'm all sorts busted up or motherfuck. i listened, honest, i'd just forget to be thinking about it back then a lot, but now i do.
so, i think maybe, i'd just want to be getting talk on to them things what's making you happy, maybe, instead. you was doing that for me. you'd get talking at to me even though as like i was being to know you and all motherfuck. and you got being there and saying for all them things what's sounding fun up at your hive. i always got on saying like it to be next time, maybe, but next time you'd get asking all anyways. i should've been saying yes. then maybe we'd get to have been being better friends that way. i thought about that up a lot, being as where i was. they took my family away and it was lonely and bad and i wished i'd been saying yes up instead.
So mAyBe wE CaN TaLk aBoUt tHeM ThInGs. YoUr sCaLeFrIeNdS AnD YoUr lEgIsLaTiOnAlS AnD YoUr fLaRbS AnD WhAt's lIkE ThAt. We cAn tAlK AbOuT JuStIcE AnD CoLoRs aNd wHaT'S YoUr fRiEnDs gEtTiNg bEiNg tO Do. AnD ThAt gAmE YoU GoT TeLlInG Of a bIt, If yOu wAnT. wHaTeVeR AlL YoU LiKe aS Is mAkInG YoU HaPpY.
i just want to be making you happy.
so uh. yeah. i guess that's being it for what i'm wanting to talk on. i'm really happy to be having this, terezi. always thought you was nice up ins.
- GaMzEe
no subject
Date: 2017-05-19 01:34 am (UTC)She doesn't know what to write at first. It feels like a grab at sympathy, and she's not entirely sure that it doesn't work. He reminds her of something that...honestly she'd forgotten. Anything related to him had been shoved so far away from her that she never wanted to think of it again. But he dredges it back up again now, and she's not really sure why.]
G4MZ33 M4K4R4
1 DONT H4V3 4 LOT TO S4Y TO YOU. 1 DONT KNOW WH4T YOUR3 3XP3CT1NG FROM TH1S OR FROM M3. 1 WOULD NOT CONS1D3R T4LK1NG W1TH YOU TO B3 SOM3TH1NG TH4T M4K3S M3 H4PPY.
TH3R3 4R3 NO L3G1SL4C3R4TORS H3R3. TH3R3 4R3NT 4NY FL4RPS 31TH3R. 1 H4V3 4 F3W OF MY SC4L3M4T3S BUT 1 NO LONG3R H4V3 4 TR33 TO H4NG TH3M 1N.
[There are dots on the page, like someone pressed their writing utensil to it over and over, starting to write but then stopping again before any strokes were made. The uncertainty is palpable.]
TH3R3 1S 4 B34CH H3R3. TH3 WHOL3 V1LL4G3 S1TS 1N 4 S3M1 C1RCL3 SURROUND1NG 4 B4Y. TH3 W4V3S 4R3 D4RK 4ND ROLL 1N OV3R 4ND OV3R. TH3Y C4LL TH1S PL4C3 TH3 SUNS3T C1RCUS B3C4US3 OF 4LL TH3 T3NTS 4ND TH3 W4Y TH3 SKY 1S 4LW4YS L1T UP. 1TS 4 M1X OF P1NKS 4ND PURPL3S 4ND OR4NG3S AND BLU3S AND GR3YS 4ND 4LL OF TH4T G3TS R3FL3CT3D OFF OF TH3 W4T3R TOO.
TH3 T3NTS 4R3 COLORFUL. NOT M1RTHFUL COLORFUL BUT SUNS3T COLORFUL. TH3N TH3R3 1S 4LL OF TH3 BOOTHS 4ND TH3 R1D3S W1TH TH31R STR1NGS OF L1GHTS DIPP1NG 1N 4RCH3S FROM POL3 TO POL3. 3V3RYTH1NG SM3LLS L1K3 FR13D FOOD 4ND COTTON C4NDY 4ND S4LT W4T3R. 3XC3PT WH3R3 1T 4LSO SM3LLS L1K3 L1GHT 4ND COLOR 4ND CLOS3N3SS.
TH3R3 4R3 4LW4YS P3OPL3 4ROUND. W3 DO NOT H4V3 S3P4R4T3 HOM3S. JUST ON3 B1G T3NT WH3R3 W3 4LL ST4Y. TH3R3 1S 4LW4YS 4N UND3RCURR3NT OF CH4TT3R1NG VO1C3S 3XC3PT SOM3T1M3S ON TH3 B34CH OR 1N TH3 SURROUND1NG FOR3ST OR ON TH3 OUTSK1RTS OF TH3 C4RN1V4L. 1T 1S W31RD TO H4V3 SO M4NY P3OPL3 4ROUND SO OFT3N. 1 W4SNT US3D TO TH4T.
[There are more dots on the page, like she wasn't sure where to go from there. So instead, she simply cuts it off short, signing the letter and shipping it out before she can second guess what she wrote.]
- T3R3Z1 PYROP3
no subject
Date: 2017-06-06 09:34 pm (UTC)AlL ThEm tHiNgS As yOu sAiD ArE LiKe tO Be mOtHeRfUcKiNg bEaUtIfUl. LiKe pArAdIsE. a mOsT MiRaCuLoUs pLaCe wHaT'S MaDe rEaL. wIsH I CoUlD Be
SeEiNg iT ToOGeTtInG ExPeRiEnCe oN As tO ThEm tHiNgS YoU'Re sPeAkInG Of. TrY AlL ThE CoMeStIbLeS SwEeT AnD LaY On iN ThE MiDdLe oF EvErYtHiNg aS FoR TaKiNg iN ThE CoLoR LiT LeGiT. gEt a lIsTeN On tO It aLl. MaYbE ToUcH ThE WaVeS.I AiN'T UsEd tO PeOpLe nOnE EiThEr. ThErE WaS So mOtHeRfUcKiNg mAnY WhAt wAs bEiNg uP In tHe cApItOl. AnD ThEn tHeRe wAsN'T AnD ThEn tHeRe wAs bEiNg tHiS PlAcE. tHeRe's lOtS HeRe tOo, BuT We's aLl fUrThEr aWaY, hAvInG At oUr oWn hIvEs. I GuEsS It's lIkE WhAt a rEgUlAr hIvEcLuStEr wOuLd mAkE To bE. iT AiN'T BaD Or nOnE, i jUsT KiNd oF ThOuGhT MaYbE I WoUlD LiKe iT MoRe.
[Not by fault of the meadous. He just isn't so sure he should be there. And he still manages not seeing anyone so much. He thought a hivecluster would be less lonely, even if it is less dangerous.]
I'M SoRrY YoU AiN'T GoT No tReE. i wEnT On sEeInG If aS I CoUlD SeNd oNe bUt i aIn't sO SuRe hOw yEt. MoSt iS BeInG KiNd oF BiG. sEeDs dOn't gRoW VeRy fAsT NoNe eItHeR. :o(
I'M SoRrY ShIt aIn't gEtTiNg tO BrInGiNg nO HaPpInEsS On aT To yOu nEiThEr. BuT I AiN'T GoT AnY ExPeCtAtIoNs nOnE. tHiS Is sEeMiNg gOoD Up aS It iS, tO Me. MaYbE I'Ll bE AbLe tO Be mAkInG YoU HaPpY SoMe tImE EvEnTuAl tOo.
I GoT TrYiNg tO MaKiNg hIm hApPy. IzZeKiEl, I Up aNd mEaN. wE HaDn't tAlKeD YeT, bUt i wEnT, aNd iT WaSn't bEiNg sO BaD Up aFtErAlL. wE GoT SiTtInG ToGeThErLiKe aNd wE LiStEnEd aS By tHe wAtEr. HaVe yOu eVeR BeEn rEaLlY ScArEd aNd a lItTlE SaD BuT KiNd oF HaPpY Up aT ThE SaMe mOtHeRfUcKiNg tImE? wAs kInD Of lIkE ThAt, I ThInK. eVeRyOnE WaS SaYiNg aS He wAs bEiNg rEaL AnGrY, cAuSe sOmE MoThErFuCkEr gOt pReTeNdInG To bE DeAd aS LiKe iN A GaMe aNd eVeRyOnE WaS FiGhTiNg aNd i tHiNk hE WaS Up bEiNg pArT Of tRyInG FiXiNg tHaT Or sOmEtHiNg? AnYwAy, He gOt rEaL MaD AfTeR AnD Up aNd lEfT AnD EvErYoNe wAs sAyInG LiKe iT BeSt nOt tO Go nEaR At tO HiM. bUt eVeN ThOuGh hE GoT AcTiNg mAd aNd eVeRyOnE WaS SaYiNg sO, i cOuLd tElL As aLl hE WaS ReAlLy sCaReD. wAs lIkE I CoUlD HeAr iT AlL Up iN My nUgBoNe. So i wEnT, fInAlLy, AnD ThEn iT WaS MaKiNg lIkE He wAsN'T ReAlLy sO MaD Up aT AlL. yOu kNoW WhAt i mEaN? i aIn't sUrE I'M SaYiNg tHiS AlL RiGhT. wAs rEaL WeIrD. i aIn't nEvEr dOnE NoThInG LiKe tHaT Up bEfOrEwAyS.
BuT, wHaT I'M MeAnInG As tO GeTtInG At iS, tHaNkS, i tHiNk. As fOr sAyInG It wAs oKaY. wE'Re mAkInG AlL To hAnG OuT AgAiN SoMeTiMe, MaYbE, wHeN He's fEeLiNg bEtTeRlIkE.
I GoT LoTs oF ThInGs aS To fInD Up iN ThE MeAdOuS. tHeRe's bEiNg mOuNtAiNs aNd cLiFfS, oCeAn aNd tReEs. EvEn tHeSe mAgIc cOlOr fUnGiS. i'm pUtTiNg a bIt oF AlEtHeIa's tReE LeAvEs oN In tHiS. i hOpE At yOu lIkE FoR ThEm. If tHeRe's aNyThInG As gOt wAnTiNg fOr i cAn sEnD It oN NeXt tImE.
-gAmZeE
no subject
Date: 2017-12-03 06:49 pm (UTC)[The leaves are taken from the letter, but she's not sure what else to do with them. It feels wrong to put them with the things that Meulin and Kurloz gave her. It feels wrong to throw them away. In the end, she puts them between the pages of a book and puts the book under her cot. She's not keeping them. She's just storing them until she figures out what to do.]
G4MZ33 M4K4R4
TH3R3 4R3 TR33S H3R3. TH3YR3 JUST NOT MY TR33. 1 DONT KNOW 1F 4LT3RN14N TR33S WOULD 3V3N GROW H3R3.
YOU SHOULD STOP WORRY1NG 4BOUT M4K1NG M3 H4PPY. TH4T 1S SO F4R B3YOND 4 POSS1B1L1TY R1GHT NOW TH4T 1T 1S NOT 3V3N WORTH M3NT1ON1NG.
YOU H4D B3TT3R B3 TR34T1NG 1ZZ3K13L W3LL.
THE LEAVES ARE OKAY.
[Once again, there's dots on the page that indicate where she paused. She tap, tap, taps the pen, starts to write a word, and then thinks better of it. She frowns at the paper for a long time, trying to think of something else to say.]
WHY DONT YOU L1K3 TH3 H1V3 CLUST3R? 1S TH3R3 SOM3TH1NG WRONG W1TH 1T?
[That's the most congeniality that she can draw up from herself, so that's going to have to be good enough. She signs the letter and sends it on its way.]
- T3R3Z1 PYROP3
no subject
Date: 2018-01-21 09:44 pm (UTC)I WoUlD GeT BeInG MaKiNg lIkE To aSk! ShOuLdN'T GeT No hArMs dOnE Up iN ThE KnOwInG, rIgHt?
I'Ll tRy tO Be nOt wOrRyInG So mUcH. iT'S HaRd tHoUgH, sEeInG As i sTiLl tHiNk aLl oN As lIkE YoU ShOuLd bE AnD I KiNd oF WaNt yOu tO Be aNd sUcHlIkE.
I AiN'T BeEn tReAtInG IzZeKiEl nOt wElL? i aIn't sO GoOd aT ThIs wHoLe dEsCeNdInG BuSiNeSs wHaT'S To bE, bUt wE'Ve bEeN HaNgInG OuT OnCe iN A WhIlE. nOt a wHoLe lOt bUt tHaT'S JuSt cAuSe oF Me.
GoT A GlAdNeSs oN YoU LiKe tHe lEaVeS. :o)
AiN'T No tHiNg bEiNg wRoNg wItH ThE HiVeClUsTeR. nO WrOnGs rEaL DoNe uP. iT'S JuSt...
I GoT UsEd tO LiViNg aLoNe, YoU GeT Me? AnD I GuEsS I WaS AlWaYs kInD Of wAnTiNg nOt tO Be, A LiTtLe. BuT ThEn i gOt hErE, aNd iT'S LiKe, MoThErFuCk! ThAt's a wHoLe lOt oF MoThErFuCkErS WhAt's mAkInG ReAl nEaRlIkE! bUt... It sTiLl fEeLs tHe sAmE As bEiNg aLoNe. It fEeLs lIkE A LoT Of aLoNe, BuT LiKe iT ShOuLdN'T Be, AlL Up tHe fUcK In rEaCh iS It, ReAl nEaR, rEaL ClOsE, bUt i cAn't mAkE ThIs hUsK Do nO ReAcHiNg. AnD I DoN'T KnOw iF I ReAlLy wAnT No oNe rEaChInG BaCk fOr mE.
ExCePt wHeN I Do, I GuEsS, wRiTiNg tO YoU. sOrRy, SiStEr.
BuT, iN AnY CaSiNgS, iT'S NoT SuPpOsEd tO Be aLoNe, BuT I'M MaKiNg aLoNe aNyWaYs, AnD ThAt kInDa jUsT FeElS WoRsE. cAuSe tHeN It's mEaNiNg lIkE CaUsE It's mE. bUt i dOn't gOt nO KnOwInG HoW To fIx tHaT.
I'D MaKe aSkInG If yOu eVeR GoT FeElInG SaMe, BuT YoU'Re aLl eVeRyBoDy's fRiEnD WhO'S SmArT AnD GoOd aNd sHiT. sO, pRoBaBlY NoT.
ThE WiCkEd bUsInEsS HaS MoSt tRuLy bEeN WiCkEd aS FoR WhAt tHiNgS Is tO Be dOnE HeRe. AlL KiNdS GoInG DoWn, EvEn aS It's qUiEt. I'M TrYiNg tO ThInK On wHaT OtHeR ThInGs i cOuLd bE SeNdInG YoU BuT I AiN'T AlL SuRe wHaT YoU'D LiKe. YoU JuSt dRoP ThEm wOrDs lIkE YoU WaS SlAmMiNg tHeM AnD I'Ll rOuNd uP WhAt's nEaT To mEeT It. HoNk. HoNk.
-gAmZeE